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[[editor's note - almost all of the amounts shown on all of these Andy Blair-subject webpages are expressed in USA dollars.  These are, in fact, often pesos (converted to USD) and/or or Canadian CDN dollars, but since the original budget was created in USA dollars based upon the original format for a budget that I provided to Andy and the original information provided by Andy converted into USA dollars but easily convertible because values at that time of both the USA dollar and the Canadian dollar were basically the same, usually convertible at between 9.50CDN to 10.00USD OR 10.00CDN to 9.50USD most of the time.  It was just the peso that varied considerably and so it was converted to USD for purposes of usage on these pages.]]

Extracts of all pertinent emails between Andy Blair and Michael P. Wein 

I spent countless hours reading and re-reading the 320 emails that I have (almost all of them between Andy and myself) residing in my Eudora (email software) mailbox for Andy Blair.  They take up 2,024K in disk space so I merely extracted (mostly by cut and paste methods) the pertinent parts that apply only to Andy Blair's deception.  

SUMMARY OF EMAILS – My first impression in re-reading all of the emails is that virtually everything that we talked about in the earliest emails was either for fun (our original and primary cause for multi-emails each day) or intended to either discuss or fulfill the beginning parts of our Agreement. Once the agreement was almost all agreed to, I continued to try hard to first solve Andy’s time and/or financial problems.  But, after reading these emails, I am no longer discounting the possibility  that I was "set up" (or "played") from the very beginning.  First, there was Andy’s excitement that I would consider her for the major job (that of backup Executor of my entire Estate, which included the possible paying of a huge (if she became) Executor fee in excess of us$300,000 as calculated at that time).  However, when she later realized that although she was the backup to the current Executor, it seemed that he would be able to complete this job, that would eliminate her chance at that fee.  Next, she may or may not have nudged me intentionally or not into my discovery of her huge and probably unrepayable financial debts.  It was immediately after that that I first conceived of a way to compensate Andy currently for future services that we both knew that I would someday critically need.  Later, when she already had the money in her hands, the relationship soured so surprisingly quickly with her accusing me of verbal  “hurts” at the minor things I said, most of which were intended to encourage her towards better financial practices as well as towards the necessary time management (in both of which I was a retired but internationally-acknowledged expert).  I had been so sure of my conclusions about her honesty and trustworthiness that it took forever for me to see even a mere possibility of Andy’s deviousness.  But the fact that Andy kept accusing me of bad things now leads me to believe that anyone who sees only bad in another person might just be bad herself.  Andy never confronts the fact that she was the one person who terminated the agreement and never did anything to rectify the situation until, finally, she much later made the totally inadequate offer of a much too small multi-year payback, all of the while ignoring the 21% interest that she would continue to save until she completed  what only she - not I - would consider a full re-payment) of ONLY the us$25,000 advance for future services (treating this advance as if it were a “loan”, and not an advance against future services, in the first place) and ignoring completely the professional services part of our Agreement which, in itself, benefited her even more so than the us$25,000 advance benefited her.

Prequel – Andy and I were originally friends between (approximately) 1998 and 2002. Andy abruptly (with just an email announcement and no explanation) unilaterally terminated that original friendship.  Later, in 2011, after calling that 2002 termination the undiscussed “elephant in the room", Andy first discussed that in an email, confessing that she acted irresponsibly and took all of the blame for the abrupt termination.  She explained that I had done nothing wrong and that she had been going through a tough time then and her actions were not all that clear to herself, even now in 2011.  As a result of this conversation, we then agreed to put this problem behind us. [[HOWEVER, I now in retrospect, albeit much too belatedly, recognized that this was almost EXACTLY the same thing that once again happened in 2012]].

Starting on August 28 2011 – Having realized that as I got older (I was 75 years old in August 2011, and was now concerned that I had emphysema and was now attached to my oxygen source for 21 hours of every day), the earlier plans that I had made to execute my last Will and other estate papers were to be carried out by the few people that I could trust with my estate.  However, they too were getting older and I thought a much younger person that I could trust would be a good thing to have.  I contacted Andy with this idea and she considered it during the Aug 28 to Sep 3 2011 period.  Our emails evolved and Andy recognized the fact that she probably would not be the Executor (because my first choices were still more likely to outlive me on my list of Executors) but the possibility of her being groomed to be the CEO of the Foundation (with its <then> us$3,200,000 expected endowment) began to be discussed including what that entails. Andy became more and more interested in the Presidency of the MPWCFoundation.  She also stated that she may not have all of the skills that the Presidency would require but would be willing to learn if I’m willing to teach her.  I said I was willing and I was excited that a young person that I trusted (and whom I thought was both smart and who had excellent writing and people skills) could take over from me and thereby continue the perpetual operation of the Foundation and help San Miguel women and children far into the future.  However, because of Andy’s past actions (in the way she ended the friendship in 2002), I decided that I needed to get an ironclad agreement so that I could plan my own future and that of the Foundation.  Once I got that ironclad agreement verbally, I was willing to begin the long process of grooming her.  She not only gave me her word to that effect but some time later, once her own past disasterous verbal agreements and her  own current financial situation came to light, I suggested and we agreed to a written contract (mostly to alleviate Andy's lack of trust due to past poor results that she had had with unwritten contracts) that specified I give Andy an advance net payment of us$25,000 to be used to pay off her current unmanageable debt to Visa (and save her us$437 in interest every month) plus provide my professional advisory services to help her get her financial life back on track, both of these given in consideration for Andy obligating herself to provide both future healthcare services to me and other current and future services to the Foundation 

In re-reading these emails, I slowly recalled so many instances of how often Andy grossly overreacts to almost everything (and, of course, I then remembered that she had always done this, including way back in 2002 or prior), whether it be positive praise or (certainly worse) anything negative which might be even slightly critical of her.  At that time, I also recalled Andy marveling at the fact that I answer all questions she ever asked of me, something I was later to discover was not at all true of Andy (who just ignores questions she does not like to hear or certainly not answer).  In the Sep 9 (see below) email, while talking about our 2001 (or so) termination of our earlier friendship, she mentions that she had (and later I figured out that she still has) so many issues with trust and with friendship that it led to the end of our first friendship (and now I can see, she apparently has never outgrown those same issues).   Reminder of that earlier "trust issue" fact had led to my early 2011 reactions because as I had become aware once again of Andy's trust issues, I went out of my way to show her by my current deeds that I was someone who not only could be trusted by her, but that I trusted her and anyone reading our Agreement can see that I was more than fair in what I offered her immediately in return for her future obligations (unfortunately, my trust in her was a huge mistake on my part).  And although my trust in her was misplaced, she would be hard-pressed to show any evidence of my causing her to mistrust me (as every promise I made -both before and after the Agreement- was carried out on time and as discussed). 

I noticed that the Sep 16  3:56pm email contained a (very early) basic untruth from Andy that has come back to haunt me.  She said "If you ever want the peace-of-mind that can come from articulating the unspeakable, you won't shock me or freak me out".   Now (NOW!!) I am myself shocked at how fragile she is and was and how much my very minor comments (certainly minor when compared to what she proclaimed on Sep 16 -- and which inspired me to be even more open than even I can be usually counted upon -- but which was never shared equally by Andy) about how she could better improve her financial situation has, IN FACT, not only "freaked her out", but led her to incorrectly and repeatedly believe that I had no respect for her, and out of that came her conclusions that I was out to harm her (and she then believed that I did harm her) in such malevolent ways that any unbiased reader would find totally convoluted and hugely irrational.  (At this time, you may wish to refer to www.mpwcf.org\shocker.htm especially point #3)   I fully expect (maybe 10 years from now - if I'm still alive) Andy will, once again, apologize for this in the same way as she recently apologized for her 2002 actions that were remarkably similar. 

A note is required here for the reader's understanding.  In creating the below "table" of the extracts, I created columns to identify each of the emails by REFerence # (referring to the long (8 pages or longer) "notes and details supporting ..."), date and time (especially since there often was more than one email on many dates) and rather than having to read the entire email again, another column that gives an approximate place marker within that email (e.g., 30% down, 25% down, 80% down, etc.) and then finally, to help find the particular paragraph, the First Words that started most paragraphs were "bolded and underlined" most but not all of the time.   Finally, next I either copied or summarized the point that needed to be specified or emphasized from that particular email.  Another thing that I wish to note here is that BOTH Andy and I used the "interjection" method of replying to one another wherein when receiving the other's email, we normally both "replied" (an "email term") to it so as to repeat verbatim the incoming email and then "interjected" into that copy of the incoming email our own response immediately below the other's comment or question.  Without that understanding, the "he said" and "she said" interplay within each email might confuse the reader.  In addition to that, the reader should know that I occasionally ADDED a current (i.e., much later -i.e, now- than the original email's date) comment explaining NOW what might not have been otherwise evident if the reader did not read or completely understand the interplay at the time it was originally written and sent to the other.

Extracts of all pertinent emails between (almost always Andy Blair and myself) follow in the table below (as explained above):

Date  &time of the email

% down from the top of the email

as identification, shown below usually are the First words from the paragraph being quoted         And then the rest of the thought is SUMMARIZED HERE

Aug28 7:23pm

30 to 60%

Then things settle … Andy said: It's the kind of sensible thinking you were, I recall, habitually inclined to push me towards …..….living with constant integrity (there's always an equilibrium, a balance-point, where things are fair, 'right', transparent as they should be); any betrayal of trust at any level shuts down the heart and shuts down the life. I live by that--so: Yes, I'm trustworthy…….(I'm as private as I ever was--but that's not the same thing as secretive).

Aug31

25

I said: Yes, you are, and while imperfect, probably still as good as I can find to act as Executor – my comment during a  “getting reacquainted” period was acceptable to Andy, but if it had been made much later, it would later be considered something akin to a huge and hurtful criticism on my part

Sep 3

25

She said (actually qouted) and while imperfect, to which she added TYFRT (which she defined as “thank you for recognixing that”

Sep 3

80

AB said Ok, well I must …. I am interested, very interested, in playing some helpful role in an organisation that describes itself in terms of giving support to "San Miguel charities mostly benefiting women and children"

Sep 3

30

I said … I will need your phone number, your street address, and your legal name, all for the documents that will be "found" in my personal papers when the time to use them arrives.  

  To which Andy replied: - Legal name is easy …: Andy Blair. That's really all there is.
- Phone # is cell 044 (415) 114 0113. I almost never answer (especially if I don't recognise the caller's #)--but I ALWAYS return any message that's left. If that line # ever changes for any reason (it shouldn't), I"ll be sure to let you know so you can update your files.
- Address... is... a little glitchier. You see, there is no mail service--no street names, no house numbers--where I live. I can 'describe' it... and that will get a taxi or, say, an ambulance, to the right general area.... but.... you know that they NEVER listen to the last part of the instructions, so I invariably have to go out to the gravel road and hunt/flag the wayward vehicle down. I use my la Conexion box (on the libramiento) for receiving Mexican mail (Telmex bills, for ex, go there). So... do you want the address that could actually pin me down on google-maps... or... do you want the address that would actually get a piece of mail to me?

LATER (sep 5 email) stated: Mailing from WITHIN Mexico:

Srta. Andy Blair, c/o La Conexion, caja 578B

Libramiento a Dolores Hidalgo #11, col. Independencia      The #11 was changed to #100 in October 2013

San Miguel de Allende, Gto 37732 Mexico                  and the 2013 phone number are now 152-4223  or 152-1599

STILL LATER (I rec’d the address used in the Agreement directly from Andy in person):

Camino a la Cieneguita 100km (there is no street address)]

Sep 3

90

AB said I know how much care and energy and spirit you've put into this Foundation; I can imagine that you want the peace of mind of knowing it would be respectfully and competently tended, according to your vision and intent.

Sep 9

subj ect

AB wrote Re: (not proofread--so go easy on me!) – an example of Andy trying to protect herself from me (even thou that fear was unwarranted

Sep 9

15

AB said Though I knowit seems such an urgent priority to you to ensure the comfort and safety and well-being of others. I don't just mean the big-picture MPWF vision; I mean the care you've taken on behalf of those who have won your trust on a more intimate level. Again and again,

Sep 9

25

There's poignancy ….. repeated evidence that the writer has almost certainly gone through much of his life being misinterpreted,

Sep 9

25

Same as above- …very confidential so it is not printed here – should be read ONLY if critically  necessary – this paragraph pretty much sums up Andy’s inability to trust anyone.

Sep 11

50

AB said  Oh, I know -  I didn't mind at all you pointing it (twitting) out.... I loved it, in fact  -- this is before Andy morphed into her hating the same thing.

Sep 14

55

AB said  Lucky you - …… I am pretty sure I'm going to be a old maid--if I'm not already.

Sep 14

----

Today (mar 26 2012), looking back to Sep 14 2011, I just began to notice that Andy EDITs my emails to her prior to her responding by removing any points or questions she does not wish to respond to.  I guess that it was foolish of me to think that her idea (about “privacy, not secrecy”) was true and that she really believed in her case that privacy was different from secrecy.

Sep 16

-----

I did this: Once again I sent my definition of Friendship to Andy and months later I realized that once again she would not send me hers as i repeatedly requested.   Once more I see (finally, today Mar 26 2012) that her definition was so different than mine that she chose not to reply.  Her idea of friendship turned out to be of the Facebook variety.  Mine had to do with trust and openness and honesty and transparency.

Sep 16 3:56pm

15

That's a happier  -- Andy said “Let me tell you very clearly right now: I'm someone you can talk to about such stuff matter-of-factly. You probably know that already. If you ever want the peace-of-mind that can come from articulating the unspeakable, you won't shock me or freak me out.        Wow, now in hindsight, this is a huge LIE.  I discover now (Mar 26 2012) that right after Andy finishes  telling me how much I can tell her, she proves over and over how little about her she will tell me and how little it takes for anything  I have to say that DOES SHOCK HER. THIS is the woman who later said she broke our Agreement because I said things in an email that DOES NOT even appear in the email she specified said it.

Sep 16

45

Oh I get it.--- once again Andy said she did not have enough time.  I thought that I could help her as I was paid huge amounts of money as a time management consultant not too many years ago.   I saved this statement for a future meeting.

Sep 22

80

Andy very carefully avoided answering my question about “her definition of a friend” once again

Sep 22

85

I think it’s most efficient -- Andy said she trims “no longer relevant bits” but she neglects that she ALSO ignores questions relevant TO ME.

Sep 22

95

I said I know that that does not fully explain it, but if we are to become friends again, I will take the "in person" time to explain ANYTHING that you question (or want to know more about).        That was a promise. – I did not know at the time that this was such an important promise I made to Andy that Andy accepted as being her due but did not, once again, accord me the same honor  - as a matter of serious fact, this email was never responded to even though I had many serious things that I said in it – had I less trust in Andy, I would have noticed that.  I am NOW sure that she intentionally did not answer this email (and others!!!)

Seo 24

75

AB said You know, for the first 2 weeks after I'd taken my motorcycle home, I started each day with a stomach ache. Ugggghhhh. What had I done? Even the smallest errand seemed a Great Big Scary Deal. – I thought: This was exactly the same description she later used to describe what our problem meetings did to her and how she felt prior to our LAST meeting on February 17th.  I maintain that Andy’s overreactions to the unknown and to whatever annoyed her always caused irrational problems for her and consequently for anyone who 26she thought caused this

Oct 7 10:08am

3%

I wrote You are as close to being my daughter as I could ever hope for.

Andy responded: Now that is perhaps the loveliest compliment ever. Ever.

Oct 7 10:08am

25% and later

On the subject of TrustI remember that this was one of my later motivations (especially after she told me of an even more recent “theft” from her by someone else) to put our agreements into writing.

Oct  9 10:57am

0

I ask Andy to slow down on the reading of the Executor project since that is less likely for her to need –--- then I offer Andy the position of running the Foundation. And I start thinking about how to compensate her in various ways for this future work.

Oct 11

 

I hear more about how her time is out of control   -- I also (at 90%) ask her to drop Executor stuff & do Foundation stuff instea.

Oct 12 10:15am

85

Wow. As usual, --- there are many other MPWCF-impacted things in this email, but the last one is special insofar as Andy talks about how thoughtful and kind I am, and how she would appreciate the compensation even though it is unnecessary to making her decision  - Apparently this is where I start thinking of a written agreement when I ask her to take me into her trust and supplying me with her info.

Oct 14 9:29am

25

This coming Thursday ---I said: I'd like you to get slightly involved with the "soon to be sent" reminder letters to the grantees about things that are due Oct 31, Nov1 to Jan 15, and due Jan 31 2012.    And then I'd like you to attend the next annual meeting

Oct 14 9:29am

65

Oh my. How mortifying.—Andy talks for the first time about how she got swindled by “her ex’” and she talks about how she lost $20,000 CDN, more than she ever had in her life, and she talks about not having a written contract (this sparked my reason for OUR later having a written contract) and her trusting him (one of my reasons for paying her up front so that she finally could trust someone)

Oct 21

 

Subject: introduction to the MPWCF – reminded Andy that I want her to get involved with the Oct 31, Jan 15, and Jan 31  input from Grantees

Oct 22 5:53pm

0

I will get to – Andy said: I find that I DO care about what's in those Heath Care Directives very much. I do intend to read them with attention--both in case I think you may have failed to protect yourself in some vital way AND then Andy added, humorously [yeah... NOT very likely]

Oct 24

 

Subject: Beware of Dylan ButlerAndy’s email to Civil_ List warning all of the 8,000 members of the Civil_List of a person named Dylan Butler who cheated and/or stole from her    This later proved to be MY model and basis for sending such a public letter about Andy’s even greater thefts from me.

Nov 4 9:31am

 

Subject: Here’s the budget form that I promised youI got Andy started on her preparing her first budget by sending her a spreadsheet form for her to amend and make into her first budget of her own

Nov 4 9:59am

 

Subject: the next step --  Here I ask Andy for additional information about taxes, debts, assets, etc etc etc as well as any expectations of things that will probably change in her future  - later note (this info has still not been sent on 11/16 and maybe later)

Nov 4 3:01pm

 

Andy wrote that she is having problems with her Keyboard so the typing is terrible – overlook that --- but the point made is that Andy loves and dreads this process (THE BUDGET)  and probably has loved and dreaded every minute after this  ---  the email goes on to say: this is wondeful--in all its horribeness. THAK YOU> I am actually lookin forward (in a dreading sort of way) to hashin through all t his. As you say: necesssy PAIN. I've alrdy sarted a prelim list of all expenss--to be pluged in to yr ovely speadsheet. I particulaly love te fact that once this is done, I have a format for plugging in for the future, ad actual haing a clue about my whoe financial pciture i the future. I'd like to be clued in and smart about thse matters. ery graeful for this opportuity.   Oh crap. transparency. A about my Visa? :-( Yeah, I know. I wdn' want to lie about it anyway, in fact. But I feel ashamed. Deep breath.  (If I didn't hae an ulcer after all... this may just precipitate one.)

Nov 8 2:44pm

0

AB said: Thank you, Moo. You are a true friend indeed, in the way we mutually define it.– This was an outright lie from Andy and I believed it at the time.  It was not until later that Andy  said that our definitions are quite different, even though I stuck my neck (and money) out believing her original "mutually alike" definition. 

Nov 8 2:44pm

7

AB said: Budget: what an eye-opener to make just the list of categories/expenses. It shouldn't surprise me, of course, as it's me who pays them all and I'm well aware of doing so--and yet... somehow... lining up all those ducks at the same time is a bit of a shocker.  To which I replied: Yup, it is intended to be just that.  The magnitude of the shock is directly conditional on how long it has been avoided.

Nov 16 4:34pm

33

AB said: A major problem is that I'm no longer making headway on my substantial Visa debt. I incurred this about 5 years ago--basically, in order to buy a vehicle …  When I … sold the vehicle and bought the motorcycle, I paid down some of the Visa... but it has crept upwards again.         To which I repliedYes, that is the problem with a credit card.   But worse than the debt, is the fact that the interest on the debt is forbiddenly and outrageously exorbitant.    We can do something about that, I suppose”.

Nov 17 9:28am

0

AB Said: Re budget -- 2 mistakes already --- my editing pay was $25 CAD/hour. In fact it was $20 ---my house payments are $1,537.94 CAD --- I saved this (corrected only for the missing $5,000 year interest on Visa debt) – it is call BUDGET4xoAB#2.2-THE ORIGINAL.xls

Nov 17 9:35am

0

Andy said: Can' imagine why you'd 'thank' me fo passing on the headache... ut... I am smewhere betwee miserable and grateful that you've taken it on. My bigest fear, to be candid, is that you'll lose respect or me over how clueless (frivoous, silly, idulgent, etc) it will all reveal me to have been.       To which I replied: Although you were that which you mention above, don't fret.  Almost everyone (possibly - probably me too) is/was like that.  The important thing NOW is that you have a CHANCE TO CHANGE NOW (NOW!!!!!!!).

Nov 17 10:11am

67

AB said: VISA owe $24,272.00 CAD [=23,796.00 USD@1.02].... limit is $25,000.00 CAD... actually ERROR, USD = 1.02 times (or us$24,757) – I then asked if she was doing the conversion right and she chose to not answer, just another example of ignoring tough questions/

Nov 17 10:11am

75

Ohhh, I love it.   Cut and paste. Andy cut/pasted directly from her website account for Scotia Momentum No-Fee VISA* card all of the following information:  interest rate is average of 20.99%.   She later states that she doesn’t get paper statements.

Nov 17 10:36am

70

Which begs the question -- Andy said wht else did ou drag out of Dr. Maxwell?? Stage 4. Vulerable lungs. What else should someone who cares a great deal abot you ongoing healh and comfort and peace know about.. or even be on the watch for?? PLs don't be stoic. I'd like to know.

Nov 18

 

Subject FYI - I explained that she was not an employee of her free-lance editing clients and therefore should get more to compensate for missing fringe benefits.  I also gave her ideas on how to ask for more money from them

Nov 19 1:58pm

0

ABsaid:Attached is my first stab at the CashFlow SpreadSheet. I'm getting more at ease with navigating the strange new wonderland of SSdom.              I repliedYes, you are "taking to it" quicker than most people.  I am fascinated, pleased, and also happy for you.” And then I included (at 25%down the page to about  67%) a bunch of suggestions for Andy to put into the CashFlow SS.  – And then Andy said (at 85%)  “I am working on my draft letter to both employers about pay. Thank you for your suggested points; very helpful”

Nov 20 9:27am

0

I am asked a bunch of questions by Andy that I respond to re Cashflow Spreadsheet.  At 20% I then remarked that I spent 3 hours yesterday on this subject when I had previously spent time with her to set up Skype so we could talk this through and not have to write about it (which is a much longer method).  I think managing our time better is needed.

Nov 20 10:10am

60

Subject: PEOPLE – I said: But I value real friendship – this and the next paragraphs define my relationship at that time AND my thought that whenever a problem arise, we can deal with it. – I suspect that Andy discounted this (or ignored this) and did not respond to it (something she does when it is uncomfortable to her).

Nov 21 9:28am

25

I said: Great. BTW, you are even worse shape interest on Visa card not included 20% on $25,000 is another $5,000 a year. - So, as a reminder, we MUST solve the VISA problem and the house loan problem VERY SOON (yesterday is even a little late!!!!!!!!!!!) and then get to the INCREASE CLIENT RECEIPTS ASAP soon thereafter.

Nov 22 4:43pm

0

Both of us I talk about TRIMMING the length of our  emails – I state how I let her know that I’ve done that (including not responding to something).  Her response ignored the fact that she removes things without telling me, often important things that I seriously would like her input on (but don’t know that she would not tell me).

Nov 22 4:43pm

5

One of the thingsI say we seem to understand each other BUT prepare for something someday … Andy then responds and goes on in a real confessional paragraph that probably explains what eventually happened to end our friendship and/or agreement.  She even ends up admitting her overreactions.  She recognized that my INTENT was good but that it really bothered her anyway.  I probably did not sufficiently recognize that then, maybe because of the typos that we both realized were clouding the words then said.

Nov 22 4:43pm

75

ABsaid: Alas, there seem to be many creative, passionate types who are financial duds. I don't want to stay there  -- this sentence offset the above overreactions and the fact that my statements bother her – so if my INTENT was good, I guess I (without thinking about it) could push her to be better financially   - I never realized that my obvious intent would be overshadowed by her overreactions  She also says “I know I'll love itwhen i'm not an ostrich about m finances” and “it's an emotional mess for mebehind the scenes” and “ know perfectly well that itshifts your opinion of me. You can' thelp   judging some things. And I am miserably  uncomfortable with that judgement. I don't want to feel liek your "diappointing little girl", Moo. It's something I need to navigate.”    THIS WAS ONE of the most revelatory and honest statements Andy ever made about how she REALLY felt.

  Nov 22 4:43pm

90

ABsaid: Now, you have  - “A part of you will doubtless be exasperated by my saying this, but the other part will surely appreciate it atthe sincere heart-level it is coming from: 'us' being ok... me feeling ok and not 'lesser' in your eyes... you feeling like I'm a friend who appreciates you rather than a basket case who needs you.”… “I am not willing to sacrifice my re-found dear Moo for this. As you so rihtly said, more thn once: this could change ou relatonship. I don't want it to.”  I respond at 95% “But we can TALK about anything and I think we are best when we ARE TALKING OPENLY.    So, let's do what each of us do best.  TALK.”  And then (at 99%) I say “Andy, please believe me when I say (definitively, positively, with great thought and no malice) you do not have to worry about my patience with you (well, almost no worry) and I KNOW you will not disappoint me.”

Nov 22 4:55pm

5

I said: I fear that I am pushing you too hard to reform… And Andy replied:  No. I do feel push and pressure from you … about not doing things fast enough or well enough... (which we both know is likely all coming from my own internal buttons/conditioning)”

Nov 24 9:00am

20

Re VISA STATEMENTS “I am shaking. I have run out of words to tell you how impossible it feels to me that I can send this and not have you completely lose faith in and esteem for me. I have tried to read through the page… but I can't even look at them. It makes me feel nauseous. I know you will see …; my spending there got way over the top. In part I was buying some stuff which I really shouldn't haves ….And blablabla excuses.   The only way I can get myself to send these is knowing that you will lose faith in me anyway, if I don’t”.      Well, obviously she never understood that (at least at THAT time) I would not (and could not) lose faith in her either way – But Andy is Andy and nothing would change that except Andy growing up and beginning to control her fears even more so than her finances.

Nov 25 11:21am

25

my response to the Nov 24-9am email above – I said “We MUST talk about YOUR values and your hopes and fears.  I never understand WHY somethings scare the shit out of you and others are no problem.  If there is any great difference between us, it is in our fears and bravery and other things like that.   Maybe the one thing that connects both of us on this matter is that all humans are afraid when they don't know (or understand) something.   What they DO know does not frighten them.  So, no, my dear, after looking at the four papers you sent me, I have no change in my esteem or lack thereof.  NO CHANGE at all"

Nov 25 3:27pm

50

ABsaid: There was a tense period – “That's what I originally wrote to myparents about... only the second tme I've eve appraoched them fo such help   This seems to be Andy’s major problem (with her parents) – fear of letting them know what is happening to her and this also shows the reasoning behind her secrecy and privacy concerns.   The FEAR of letting anyone know about her supposed inadequacies is huge.

Nov 25 3:45pm

0

Andy said: “Well I can breathe again. I woke up this morning with sch a heavy feeling.... I confess I was waiting lumpthroated for yor response. Which has proven to be so.... lovely. Loving. Nonjudgmental. Egads, I think you still like me. I'm not loathesome. Go figure.”  And I repliedMore realistically, go figure WHY YOU think that way”  Then Andy saidSending you a hug--so very very grateful to you for yourwilingness to ride this out. It's a mark of true friendship--and of love--to care so much about someone's well being that you're willing  to upset them, and the ride thorgh the resulting  turmoil til the relationship is in calm waters again. Most aren't so passionate or dedicated or generous in their relationships. THANk you , my dear friend.”  And I replied Well, it is not as altruistic as you state.  We give things to each other.  That is what friendship is.  We trust each other (ditto about friendship).  We do not "just agree" with each other (ditto again).   And we are aware that the good that we do makes the other better off, something that always helps the giver, too.   I need to have you around for the rest of my life.”

Nov 28 11:42am

2

AB said: “Ha.  I run into something similar in trainings: when I make a mistake  I feel teeeerrible and I automatically think I'm a messandwasting everybody's time.  Others makemistakes and I justtakeitinstride Idon't kno wwhyI'm likethattomyself. Butthere itis.Thankyouforreminding methat I'm actually   'no t thatspecial.' I get tofuckupjustlikeeveybo dyelse.”    Andy is actually beginning to understand HUMAN BEHAVIOUR but it was a TEMPORARY term rea58lization.

Nov 28 11:42am

85

I said: “One more thought about future Mondays (because we can't put off the learning how to run the MPWCF much longer) .  If you wish, we can get TAKE-OUT from further-away places of your choice and you can pick them up on the way and I'll reimburse you, that way we split the cost (YOU-the pickup and ME-the monetary cost).   Idea??????????”  APPARENTLY NOT!!!!!

Nov 29 9:07am

33

But I can’t do – ABsaid “you've succeeded in hammering home themeesage onto my poor littlehead freshly-yanked-from-its hole inthesand.  I am not procrastinating. Iamdealing”. --- I replied “OK.  By the time you read this, we will be finished with lunch and you will see that I have not PUNCHED YOU OUT for not complying IMMEDIATELY.  I know you are trying.   Oh goodness, that can be taken TWO ways.” To which Andy replied “Funny. Both ways true, surely” –I thought: THIS illustrates BOTH OF US understanding OUR MUTUAL sense of humor

Nov 29 9:07am

85

Michael, on your side. I know you are. ABsaid:  I"m just a tad frazzled these days--for a composite of reasons you already know. But I love you dearly and I *know* that even when you're beastly to me it's for my own good. [Insert wry winky-faced little old lady here.]

Nov 30 2:15pm

 

Re: Ikkyu Bento: Natura -- I asked:does this place meet your eating criteria? Response:  yes.... BUT... the fact that it is all tied up with my ex-[beloved]store and my ex-[despised]partner.... I think it would give me an ulcer, … counterproductive to my current goal of  healing my poor distressed gut. I do, very literally, get a stomach ache every time I see or  think/talk about that whole issue. It's miserable

Dec 1 10:22am

 

Re: cashflow s/s – sent Andy my comments based upon hours of reviewing her latest s/s – then later (at 85%) I say “ …Don't put it off.  You are losing 1,350 pesos a week in your delays (I don't mean to say the delays are not necessary, just that they are costly to you).“  So, even thou we are STILL working on her problems, we have yet to re-focus on the Foundation.

Dec 2 12:36pm

40

FYI, here's where things have fallen with the two jobs: #1 are going to pay me 4200 CAD per month … calculated roughly on me working a 35-36 hr week, for $30/hr.(and @50%, since they can’t pay more, she said she will reduce their hours so that they, too, pay $30 an hour. – later (at 85%) Andy said “Thank you for shaking me up and making me confront this. Amazingly, it is actually possible to be a Nice Person and still  get paid adequately. One of the many foreign concepts you are teachig me.

Dec 3 1 10:48am

45

Andy wrote: Thank you for such prompt turnaround. (I do realize that YOU are putting in a substantial amount of time on my behalf--please don't think I take that for  granted. I  am not exactly happy-comfy at this stage of t he process, and repeatedly  feeling the pressure from you... BUT.... my predominant emotion is gratitude. You are giving me the ability to have more dignity and integrity and autonomy and security--and there's nobody else who has taken me under their wing in such a way. It's a tremendous gift. xo)

Dec 3

 

Re: (left blank) Andy receives NEW offer from #1 client and I warn her to consider the time and her NEW MINIMUM hour rate

Dec 7 2:17pm

95%

I wrote: Oh, btw, if I seemed more nasty or aggressive of otherwise annoying to you, I apologize.  Nothing bad was meant by it.  It may have crept into any of the 3 emails I sent to you today.  It may also stem from other things in my life (like maybe Hortencia is pregnant again, or maybe I am annoyed at having to pee so often every morning because of the diaretic that I am now taking, or all of the extra effort peeing takes because of the other things (like it is cold and I am taking oxygen and all of these things have to be "un-wrapped" to pee).   Oh damn, let's move on.”  - Reading this now reminds me that I sounded like Andy sounds

Dec 7 2:37pm

65

I wrote: I don't disagree with you except for your (Andy’s) perceptions.  I recognize where they come from but you are taking the stressful positions that I neither mean for you to take nor do I even mean what you think I mean.  Please relax and do the best you can.  I very much think that Time Management DOES NOT mean what YOU think it means as EVERYONE IN THE WORLD can profit from TM help.  No one is perfect; most are closer to the other end, many are doing well and can still (comfortably) get better.  You (and I, too, of course) can fit in there somewhere.    And I am not disappointed in you.  You are not lazy and probably not a flake.   One of the reasons I took on this project (your financial life) is that you deserve help but, like so many people, don't know how to accept help nor how to ask for it nor how to deal with it.  That takes time, patience, practice, and a whole lot of other things not excluding discipline and understanding and on and on and on.

Dec 7 4:29pm

0

I wrote:First, just so you, Ms. Supersensitive, have advance notice of what I intend to say before I say it, I am NOT (repeat NOT) fed up with you, exasperated by you, annoyed at you, disgusted with you (oh, I am getting close to repeating myself, a BIG no-no for me).  You are still the lovable, exasperating (oops) funny, unperfeckt (spelling intentional) , wunderkind, "thing", et c

Dec 7 4:29pm

655

I wrote:Well, there is to be expected that if you're going down in financial flames, it could cause a problem for one or both of us.  But, slowing down the fire, or lowering the heat, or ignoring the truth, COULD work for a few more months if you want to ... (stop now) ...    But I want you to stop hemorrhaging money.   And a waste of us$100 a week is what you are doing.  So, let's pay off the VISA card.  You have now been saving something (I haven't checked but I hope you are) in your expenditures.  We got you to move and increase your income.  Now from a minus $12,000 a year, your latest budget (sent to me today - no reviewed - but it says that you) shows a plus $12,000, which is a turnaround of $24,000 a year.  But that is ONLY PAPER unless you actually start to LIVE the BUDGETED life.” 

Dec 8 10:12am

 

I explain to Andy how I’ve added 3 new columns that automatically (via formulae) and the magic of a properly designed spreadsheet sends her loud signals regarding how she is progressing compared to her “plan” in her budget.  – then I say that “Well, I think we are almost finished.  Now let your finances come under your manageable CONTROL for a happier future.”

Dec 8

Not an email

See Andy-cpm-notes.doc  the points leading up to our Agreement.   These top-points were basically discussed and agreed to by the time of the last meeting prior to printing and signing the agreement.  The points in yellow highlite were to be discussed (and then were discussed) at our face to face meeting – the remaining points at the bottom had yet to be done (and were to be done) in the future for the most part.

Dec 8 2:43

 

Iwrote: Re: draft of the Agreement between us - OK, ready to go? Andy, read the current draft of our Agreement.  If you have question, question me.   If you have additions or edits, write them in and highlight them in YELLOW background. Please pay specific attention to item #3 under your obligations and "flesh out" anything else you COULD add.  Remember I wrote the entire Agreement with aiding you in mind and would hope that you reciprocate with adding your ideas to help me.

Dec 9 10:46am

5

Andy responds to mpw: Oh, btw, if I seemed more nasty or aggressive of otherwise annoying to you, (quoting mpw -see Dec 7 2:17pm above) 

Yes, you did. In the s/s email and previous ones. And I've been upset and wondering if I'm just being irrationally hypersensitive, or if you are fed up with me... or with other stuff in your life.  Maybe it's me... maybe it's you.... probably it's both of us, and our respective idiosycracies, neuroses, and other buried treasures. I can feel it, Moo... you are irritated/frustrated with me and I'm just counting on it all clearing up when we're face to face again. I apologize. Thank you for spelling that out.   (now, I’m not sure WHO says the last 2 sentences

And next (at 90%) Andy says Ok. I'm fine with you being grumpy--but I get very sad when I think it's because you' re upset specifically with me. I really appreciate you acknowledging your crappy mood ad giving mesome context. --  the most important thing that this email shows is that no matter who is at fault (and it is probably both of us) Andy’s greatest FEAR is that I “am fed up” with her, a fact that is not close to being a possibility at that time but it irrationally worries her.

Dec 9 11:53

35

I wrote: Please don't use terms (like debits) that you don't understand.(MPW said in previous email, to which Andy responded: “Listen, you nasty man. I am not in the habit of knowingly using terms I don't understand. Why would I do that--just to make myself look stupid? If I used it, it's because I didn't know I didn't understand it. I was referring to purchases made with the MN "debit card" (granted, I should have included the word 'purchases']. I shall now make note of the fact that I don't know shit about the word 'debit', and refrain from using it in the future.” – I think that this is just another of the examples of Andy’s overreactions and fear that I think she is stupid (as much as I have repeatedly said that I don’t think that or anything remotely like that.

Dec 12 1:59pm

67

.. recite your continuing commitment to this project (this I asked of Andy in a prior email) She responded by asking “What do you mean 'recite?'” to which I answered “Well, I don't mean standing up and physically reciting anything.  It's just that I am investing more and more and more in this transition (time that you're not even aware of) and that I must put even more time into making other underlying changes.  So, I am just a little skittishYour forgiveness is solicited.

Dec 12 3:20pm

60

AB saidd: Well, I shall reiterate my commitment for this project, if you wish. Though I suspect once we get into it, your skittishness will evaporate because you will see ad experience my passionate enthusiasm and dedication. (this was Andy’s response to my about skittishness, and I replied to that, saying the following: Yes, reiterate is better and I do assume that we will both see your continuing passion and enthusiam and dedication starting as early as (well, previously, but again) this Friday.

Dec 13 8:31am

50

I would prefer AB …. But if we must bow to convention, then let's do Andy. I don't want to stick in random letters that I don't identify with--because this contract represents things which I am dedicated to. I don't want to just put in letters that make it feel like the convention--rather than the intention--is the overriding principle”is what Andy said referring to our agreement prior to our signing it.  I responded with “Very well, everyplace in our agreement that previously said "XOAB", I just now replaced it with "ANDY".   Perfect in every way.   And the ALL CAPS gives it the significance  EQUAL to the comparable MPW.  

I notice today that Andy worried more about "her name" in this document than what I asked from her, that she attempt to "protect me" like I attempted to "protect her"

Dec 16 10:36

99

Final comments (for  --   increase income, mostly from clients, reduce time spent on lower-priority clients and/or other things, decrease expenditures and increase savings so that the future becomes brighter, create a 40-year cash flow projection (hoo-boy, is this a surprise!!!!) which starts to predict your future

 

 

Dec 16th Budget/ Cashflow analysis– I spent many entire days teaching Andy how to manage this when we were originally to spend the time on the MPWCF (see Oct 14 and note that it is still our priority at least as late as today (altho possibly less now)

 

 

Dec 9 was the date of the signing of the Agreement BUT we decided that Dec 12 would be the date of the check since it was to be mailed to Andy’s bank.

Dec 22 2:27pm

20

You were NOT  I said:…  PLANNING is a critical part of life and long term planning makes short term planning so much easier.   You really can't continue to avoid it?   I can't even avoid it vis a vis you in MY own life.  What do you think we are doing regarding the MPWCF and my healthcare AND YOUR PART IN BOTH???????????  

Dec 22 3:55pm

25

I'm going to assume …  MPW said: But I was referring ACTUALLY about your promises about YOU.  YOU are the one I'm worried about.    PLANNING FOR YOUR FUTURE.   Remember when I mentioned something and you said how depressing that sounds.  Well, that was a CALL FOR ACTION.   You must do something(s) (lots of somethings, in fact).

Dec 22 3:55pm

30

she said: No, Moo. I don't think you are the slightest bit stupid--on the contrary. I can see how my line looked snarky--I'm sorry for that. It was meant to be fun/teasing. I guess my delivery was off. This was an example of Andy doing what I also do except she gets so upset when I do it..

Dec 22 4:27pm

 

Subject: A tiny suggestion -  this entire email is a great example of what playful interactions Andy and MPW had when BOTH were secure and comfortable and did not read anything unsaid into what WAS said.  As the ending lines said “PERfeck”

Dec 25

 

An observation from me (now in retrospect, as I write this in late February 2012) – Andy now possesses the $25,000 from me, has received almost all of the benefits of my financial counseling) and is beginning to show signs of “I've got mine” but is beginning to show signs of “well, more financial counseling would be too much work for me (Andy) and I don’t like to feel like I’m stupid or something” (obviously that is my impression and not a real quote).  I also notice that one of the agreed upon changes took place today as Andy agreed (since she never liked the Xmas presents she got from almost anyone, she agreed) to not exchange most Xmas presents with anyone, especially her family.  I know how difficult EVERY change in her life has been and this one probably occurred today)   Dear reader, please notice a change in our relationship just might have occurred around this time.  And this is the time when Andy’s responsibilities under the contract begin to “kick in” and mine are almost completed.  Isn't that an interesting coincidence????

Dec 26

9:33am

75

ABsaid: Tomorrow: back to work. I'll also hopefully get to the Foundation stuff you sent. MPW replied: I hope so because if you are going to become at all useful, the knowledge was already useful and the emails that I might have sent pre-Oct 31 are obviously not going to be sent this year, and the emails that I would send pre-Jan 15th might even be too late now, and the due-Jan 31 work should have been started by each grantee already, so we may be stuck with your questions about "my review of the Jan 31" input (and therefore another year has passed without your being involved).   I don't want to pressure you but I am wondering if you're going to be able to do what you've promised (both if healthcare needs and/or Foundation participation start appearing before another 50 years have passed).   It is something you will have to think about and that is why I've been pressing you (actually us) to get your financial affairs in order now and your time managed as efficiently as possible.” It was obvious that I was NOT anywhere near thinking to get rid of Andy because in the next two paragraphs, we talked about Andy replacing Michael S if he moved aside.    However, as expected, Andy responded to this (see below) at Dec 26 3:17pm

Dec 26

9:33am

95

I can well understand  Andy says “My only comment--and it's minor--is that rather than saying Andy is "anxious" to work on the foundation, it would sound better, I think, to say "eager" or  "very keen" or something along those lines.)  ---   So, although I did not say anything about that then, my reaction NOW is that for someone who is so sensitive about what she thinks she should say, my words are not given the same review or consideration or even latitude.  Things she THINKS I said are given more credence than the words I do say.

Dec 26 3:17pm

15

Andy said: Well, I hae thought about this. And I did in part address this to you a while back.  it was basically to point out that  priorities shift, that I am constantly doing my best to 'manage' them, ad that if you (for example) get suddenly sick, then that becomes front-buner stuff. It would regardless of whether or not we had a 'contract' about it, I assure you. THAT is in my nature. You are in myheart insuch awaythat it could not possibly be otherwise. My name doesn't need to be in the Health Care directives for that to  be a reality--but it's good that it is, so that others will not experience doubt or conflict about the 'correctness' of me being here.  As for Foundation stuff, I am anxious/eager/keen to get on with it and to start being involved and productive. As I've told you, i"m in a learning curve right now withthe new design job. Already my tasks for this week a re looking less daunting than j ust a week ago--i"m learning lots, and fast. i can see now that it's going to become  routine once I know my way around. Needless to say, my employment commitments MUST take priority right now”    -- I responded OK at that time, but looking back I am NOW aware that without the time management that I offered Andy which she found unacceptable, the future would always be this cluttered and if and when I needed her for healthcare (and certainly she had already missed many deadlines for Foundation work (so much so that the missed Oct 31 thru Jan 31 deadlines were directly instrumental in my closing down the Foundation – my life’s work for the last 12 years – as a result of this (although augmented by the fact that she unilaterally bowed out of our agreement and did not even try to return all that was given to her in advance benefits).

Dec 27 2:51pm

10

No, my sweet --- MPW said “you get so sensitive about anything that does not sound like "goodkins" to you.  My main point, and what I have since 2001 found very appealing about you is that you write (much) better than I do ….  My main point is that there is so much for you to do getting to know about the Foundation (it was your idea that you start NOW on that project) …   The thing I wanted of you is to have you familiarize yourself with the easiest of input (the "due Oct 31") so that you can handle the "due Jan 15" reminder letter which should have gone out by November 2nd (almost two months ago) to be most effective, including writing it or editing my writing (your choice) and making "nice, nice" to the grantees telling them to get off their f----n st--id asses and (after at least 5 years "comply by starting the work more than 30 seconds after I have to remind them that it was due a few days ago”.  

Dec 27

 

At around this date (Dec 27 on this table, but at the much later 2012 point when I am in process of extracting these emails), I realize that I must leave it up to the reader to decide which points are important enough to be highlighted in yellow (or otherwise) and stop doing that myself.  So, from now on to the end of this table of email extracts, I will highlight in yellow, or bold or underline, etc. ONLY the most critically important of comments that I’d like to bring to your attention.  You could (or even should) assume that every unhighlighted email (or portion thereof) is still important for you do read, but that is up to you.  I am not trying to discourage your reading of EVERYTHING that is not highlighted though and do encourage you to understand our communications.

Dec 27 2:51pm

25

I;m sorry that ---MPW said “I too have time problems.  Added to all of the things I was fighting for before I first talked to you again is the "teaching the Foundation" work we are supposed to be going through.  I am drowning and falling further behind on things that should be done by now.  I try to guide you but you insist you know better.  Right now, all you have to understand is that I'm trying to keep the Foundation work up to date AND at the same time teach you background on the Foundation.  Basically, the Trust governs the Foundation's usage of the Endowment and the web-site governs the details under the Trust.   Everything else is secondary (or even lower in importance) and the Mission of each Grantee has pass91ed muster and even if you love the mission or hate it, it is meaningless to the running of the Foundation.  That is a settled matter.  When it comes to YOUR selecting new grantees, ONLY THEN is your reading and understanding of their mission important.”  My words about  “mission” came up because Andy wanted to study “their mission’,which is no longer of concern unless they obviously changed it.   Based up what I’ve discovered since then is that Andy MUST HAVE BEEN overwhelmed by this compared to previously

Dec 27 3:17pm

67

Andy: training recommences in 15 mins--just so u know im not "wasting time" in the precious few minutes it took me to compose this message to you.

MPW: Oh, I thought you were at the cybercafe, not at Gravity Works Training headquarters.

Apparently her Trapeze work at Gravity Works has moved up in priorities, dropping her Contractual Responsibilities even further down once again.
Andy” I love you Moo--and yes, at times you upset me deeply. I guess its mutual.

MPW: Ain't equality great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andy: I dont mean to exasperate you. Please trust that Im not being irresponsible.

MPW: I do trust you.  I hope that it is not misplaced but remember, I am trusting you with my life's work and personal mission, not to forget something probably in excess of US$3,000,000 (that's about 40,000,000 M.N. or new pesos)

Andy:And pls allow for my learning curve. ALL of this is totally new to me. I learned a whole lot

MPW: Sweetie, you can't get that in a lifetime.  What I need from you … is your questions about WHY I ask or state or demand or suggest things.  Those are the things that YOU NEED to know (the answers to those questions).  Other than saying it poorly, or redundantly, or slightly differently each time, there is NOTHING that I ask for on the web-pages that I don't have a good (either for transparency or continuity) reason for asking.  Believe me, the differences in our ages account for some learning curve of my own (and even now, not fully accomplished).

Dec 28 9:14am

 

Re: Cashflow s/s – I reviewed this but my main comment was that Andy should review column C for "warnings".  F's are bad but are excusable ONLY for intentional necessities and for items that are paid periodically but  the  weekly would mistake as weekly

Dec28 9:32am

0

Andy: I have re-read this. I think I did overreact, and I apologize.

MPW: Apology accepted (or excepted, since it was not completely necessary)

Dec28 9:32am

33

Andy:  I have done everything you hae asked me to do on the Foundation stuff thus far. Last week  I read all the (C) pages. This week I started what I *thought* you wanted metodo: … to start familiarizing myself with the screening/approval/template/feedback etc process.

MPW: what I inarticulately asked was for you to QUESTION EVERYTHING that you don't understand the WHY of what I'm asking as well as questioning WHAT I want you to do if you don't understand the WHAT itself.

Dec28 9:32am

50

Andy: thought this was my 'introduction' to grantees and that i was to be  reading with the same kind of attention I gave t o, say, the Trust Agreement or the Foundation pages. (And that's why it upset me so much when, on first reading, I didn't fully understand from your missive t hat you were wanting to set me straight on that misconception--I took it as you honing in negatively on just the fact that i took a couple of minutes to look up some unkownn terms. It made me feel like you were saying I have no discipline or focus at all, and no idea how o judge what might be significant.)

MPW: Wait wait wait.  You are focusing NOW on many different things.   It was mostly to re-focus your attention (my miscommunication - no negative to you).”   I did not yet realize it at the time but  Andy does not take well to instruction, either.  She thinks she knows best about everything.  I have now observed this over and over.  Instruction = NO Criticism – NO (and overreaction at that). Time pressures (ignore them and just get rid of things that annoy her).   Financial problems (ostrich-like burying of head)

Dec28 9:32am

80

Andy In the future, I am going to make it a point to ask you clearly to spell out what you expect/hope of me with each 'assignment' (reading, s/s, whatever). I know it' s not the first time i've misunderstood what my focus should be--and ended up frustrating you. I can take responsibility for that and make sure to ask for simple instructions. I shall do that from now on. Easier on us both.

MPW - Don't take all of the responsibility.  I am a part of this, too.  Both of us should attempt what you so perfectly said above.

Dec28 9:32am

98

Andy - Haven't looked at the time spent sheet you sent. Will do so.   (that is the timespent.xls sheet this MPW designed for Andy’s use)

MPW: Good.  I estimate that it will take you about 60 seconds before you turn off your computer each night

2011

Dec 28 10:03am

 

Subject of email picked by Andy: dammit, imperfect again (which set the tone for my first two responses)

Andy:G'morning Moo.

MPW: OMG, I always hate it when you (or anyone for that matter) sends me an email that comes in JUST AS my replies to their previous emails ARE BEING SENT OUT at the same time.  It's like a little bit (or more) of useful information was ignored that SHOULD HAVE BEEN considered in the previous emails before sending them.  But here we are, sent and only now reading.  Moving on........... 

I thought: This looks strange even to me NOW but all I meant at that time was that Andy and I are responding to emails that have been superceded in each case.

A:In th light of day I see one more thing for which I need,

M: Oh shit (see above), what now? Now, if I had already read what follows, I probably would not have said what I said just earlier)

A...for both of our sakes, to start taking responsibility: when I have a strong emotional reaction to one of your missives (and this seems to happen a LOT, for various reasons we both can more or less guess at), MPW thought: (Yes, she is right but not for the right reasons – see more below)  

At long last, I wish I had gotten her to DISCUSS this and not put it off or ignore it completely

M:  No.   no guessing.  Let us DISCUSS whatever this turns out to be (if Tuesday is OK, that would be a good 100% day for discussing "things", not "work")   In this case, I am afraid that we would both guess at things that the other is NOT guessing at, and vice versa).   So, no guessing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A: ... it generally feels impossible to just 'live with' that upset and carry on w work ( or whatever). I've tended to answr immediately, stabbing away at th wee buttons on my iphone, sometimes wiping (confusing/ disproportionate) tears as Im doing so.  That's not wise, not productive, not helpful to us either on a personal or business level.
M Yes, THAT is true, my (in this case, DUMB) friend (I playfully called her DUMB because I thought crying was dumb and unproductive).  Now (in later 2012) I can see that Andy probably thought that this was a HUGE INSULT.
A: From now on I'm going to watch for such moments, and make myself refrain from reactive responses.

M: Oh no.  I would NEVER want you to stifle your initial impulses.  I try to not do that myself.  It is difficult, I know, and mistakes are caused by that, but the initial thoughts are always valid, even if inappropriate, stupid, or even incorrect.   It is a fine line that no one ever masters and your (above) selected solution will most probably (in some way that you - or I - probably both of us) fail, too.   The only thing that I think you have to worry about is your own tendency to discredit yourself or feel that you have failed (again, yourself, or me, or both of us).  Fight THAT tendency.
A: Its a cliche that it can be difficult to negotiate the whole work/friendship dynamic-- but somehow in our case, at least for me regarding you, it feels hypersensitive & intensely emotional.

M:  Trust!!!!!!!!!!!!   I am trusting you with over us$3,000,000, and my life, and my legacy, but more important, my "secrets".  The least you can do is TRUST that I trust you.
A:  I get kinda devastated when I feel you are upset, frustrated, disappointed (etc).

M: Upset, frustration, disappointment, etc. is part of life.  I once had a "southern belle" girl-friend who would not accept anything negative (but the truth was that she saw everything as "less than perfect" anyway).   The last time I ever saw her she was still running from the realities of life.  Don't be that type of person.  And don't be the direct opposite of that type of person.
(I add here that although the above seem appropriate at the time I wrote it, it probably was not a great thing to say at the time.
A: You called it: I need to muscle through that. I will do my best from now on.

M: All I ask is that YOU ASK QUESTIONS (anytime you don't understand something, ask why, etc.).  That's the most valuable thing you can bring to this table.  I've considered and thought out EVERYTHING that I could think of.  But that is the very flaw itself.  There must be things I DID NOT THINK OF and if you question things, maybe (probably) some of them will be solved now.  And even if not, you will get even more insight into my intent, at very least.
A:  Because I want to help w the Foundation so very much, I want to help my dear friend have some peace of mind & satisfaction about his legacy, AND I want to continue enjoying and deepening our very special bond. And btw I DID notice & appreciate the care you put into wording your followup missives to me yesterday, full of gentle, playful, affectionate wording & reassurances that I hadn't just lost your respect& friendship forever (sigh--yes I can see how tedious that must b to tiptoe around.)

M: Who are you talking about doing the tip-toeing?????
  (I don’t know that I handled this situation that well but I felt that Andy is supersensitive to anything remotely like criticism and that she is so insecure about things that I don’t think she should be insecure about – like honesty, responsibility, caring, and the like.  My only problem with her is that she perceives doubts that I DO NOT HAVE about her and hears(or reads) things that I’ve never either said or even thought.   At the time I wrote this email,l I had no doubts about her other than I thought she ignored many problems and time problems and, expert that I was for 30 years, I would be able to solve them.   And I tried and tried and while I solved the financial problems and had good ideas for the time problems, apparently I was not able to solve them to Andy’s satisfaction. She wants perfection and THINKS that she gives perfection in return (but will not open her eyes to anything remotely deemed criticism - and by HER definition, almost everything IS criticism

M   PS,. looking again at the "subject", I say, even when you are perfect, you are only perfecK.

Dec 31

 

My resolution, arrived at by MPW at around April of 2012 when highlighting this table of emails – This highlighting is not just too timeconsuming but it is bringing back earlier feelings of frustration, or being misunderstood by Andy, and now (based upon all that has since occurred) feeling greater animosity towards Andy than I felt at the time of the emails.  I am angry that Andy has taken the benefits of our Agreement (almost us$50,000 and more) and left me with the damages (well over us$250,000, when you give even a tiny conservative value to the losses of my Foundation, my trust in people, my life-shortening stress caused by this loss of aid in my last years that I contracted for and paid for, and even more than that).  I resolve (now early in 2012) to not read anymore of the following and certainly not highlight any more of it.    -  However, now (in late 2013), I think I MUST read more to "reference" the email evidence that I found in early 2012 that pertains to the "notes supporting..." paper I am now writing for the attorney and/or for the court

2012

Jan 18 10:10am

40

A: I've been at it for another 3 hours--but I still don't consider it thoroughly 'done' and 'checked.' I will keep going at it this week. Why is it taking so long? In part I notice that it takes me a long time just to plug in the numbers. I'm not fully 'at ease' in the medium, yet.

M: A clerical attitude is needed.   Spend money.  Write it down.   That night, transfer everything to the s/s.  It should be simple and fast and more accurate if you regiment it (and yourself to) do this.   The sources should ALWAYs be only your notepad for pesos spent and your bank statements for CDN$ spend (with obviously a few exceptions),   That not only saves time, but if done RELIGIOUSLY,  fewer errors will ALSO mean that there will be less time checking for differences.   For example, my own "physical count" versus "mathematical results" generally has no difference and therefore no time wasted looking for ANY difference.

A: I navigate clumsily, and I'm constantly stopping to examine/question what I just did, to be sure it's in the correct column, etc.

M: The entries should ALWAYS be  to the current week's column.  If your writing (above) is accurate, I would guess that your problem of "entering" anything should be confined to whatever you are doing the night.  I think that you are scattered in your thinking about this project and still searching for a WAY to do it.   This is nothing but a CLERICAL exercise and during the brief time that you're doing it, think like a clerk (at least until you get it down pat).

A: Took a while to re-do budget estimates, enter them in the cashflow s/s, remembering to divide by 4.33 or by 52 where appropriate.

M: There is a MUCH SHORTER way than the way you just wrote above.  Just take the FINAL figure for each category which is ALWAYS  expressed in USD (unless you changed it already to CDN$ - but no difference to what I next explain).   Create new column (on the BUDGET s/s) way over left of current column A.   Name it CWB (current weekly budget).   Then make a formula at the top row.   It is (using column names instead of what I write next) Total Annual Amount divided by 52 = CWB).   You can also add to the previous formula - which now looks something like +G20/52 - a conversion factor so that the final formula would look like +G20/52*13.25 (for example).  Then just replicate the formula down that column in one (or two) long "copy".

Jan 18 10:10am

 

Latest (and last) spreadsheet received today -  Budget/ Cashflow analysis– I spent many entire days teaching Andy how to manage this when we were originally to spend the time on the Foundation (see Oct 14 but note that it is STILL a priority at least as late as Nov 30 (and probably later)

Jan 20 9:08am

99

By now you must have received my FORWARD (see, FWD) emails re: the 3 current grantees.  Let us discuss BEFORE you do ANYTHING with them (except) file them with your emails on your computer   But as now usual, Andy ignored this

Jan 27

 

Our last lunch together was at Café Rama today – each Friday after this, Andy came up with an excuse for “no lunch”

Jan 28 8:48am

 

After many discussions about how Andy did not like aging and did not like birthday celebrations, I decided to do something that I thought she would find unusual and likeable – I sent her a large font, colored in blue, email that said ONLY A  HB  XO. M She responded M TY XO AB which, at the time I thought was appropriate – NOW knowing what was going thru her mind in these days, I wonder (as I often had to since she was so secretive) whether this was nasty, or sarcastic, or just disappointment

Jan 28 9:16am

 

attached are the Computadora's attachments sent to me plus his cover letter.   This will be your chance to review (I'll do it separately) the first input .  BTW, note that Tom corrected the "due Oct 31" to "due Jan 31" that we puzzled over last Friday.

Feb

 

Things are not right with Andy and MPW – This caused me to write the top of my Feb 8 response to Andy Feb 7 email (below) And since I tried to condense it below, the original email should be read so that timing, EVERY word, EVERY nuance is seen.

Feb 8 10:44am

0

Andy, I hope (and think) I responded to your email to me without anger and with mostly kindness I still look forward to our continued relationship as friends AND in accordance with our agreementsThere are some points which must attempt to straighten out but I think all of that is doable.  So, please read on (and good luck on Thursday).  See you Friday.  I wrote everything else except these two paragraphs  AFTER responding to all that I responded to below.   Since I did it under emotional stress, I hope that you understand that my choice of words MIGHT HAVE ALWAYS  BEEN BETTER.  I accept the same stress results  for you,  too.

Feb 7

Note

After I wrote the below email (and even after when Andy overreacted to almost everything in a way that I did not anticipate (AND objected that things that I did not mean, or intend, or even many times could see that she missed my point and reacted to something else), I wrote in the below RED NOTATIONS

Feb 8 10:44am

5

M: Dearest Andy,  Although it might at first glance appear otherwise, my total purpose in writing this email to you is to encourage a face to face dialogue where we can truthfully and completely discuss any problems either of us perceive and bring us back on track to continue and complete our previously made plans.   Please read it carefully and think about it, point-by-point. It really is my intention to get this back on track, but I can't remain as miserable with the one-sidedness much longer.

A: I have read it twice. I will do so again.

M: Great.  And thank you.

A:  I'd like to suggest we meet at your house on Friday, and not do lunch. There's no way I can mix this kind of a conversation with food--and neither of us would be comfortable sitting in a restaurant trying to act as if there were not such a weighty discussion pending

M: As background, I am trusting you with over us$3,000,000.  You also have the keys to my house and first access to everything in it.  Obviously, I trust you.  I have also given you us$25,000 up front… And what have I asked in return for the $25,000?   Some relatively small acts on your part, mostly well into the future. And I have less reason to trust you because of your past behavior (circa 2002) whereas you have not encountered any reason to distrust me.

A: Nothing I could possibly disagree with--nor wish to disagree with--in any of the above.

 M: At the time I first discovered your perilous financial state, I did a professional evaluation of the problem and offered many suggestions, the easiest of which you accepted immediately. …  and I promised you more than you might have asked for yourself

 A: Of course. I would not have asked for anything.  I would never have dreamed up any proposal in which you, my friend, would get involved in my finances, let alone give me the kind of support on various levels that you did. It was completely foreign territory for me. Even the concept of writing up a 'contract' was foreign to  me. I took it seriously and gave it my most sincere and honourable response--and part of that was NOT having anything so ugly as friendship being written up as a contractual set of obligations. You certainly seemed to be in  accordance at the time.

M: I gave you $25,000 which was designed to accomplish a number of different things:  Rid you of your impossible to pay off $25,000 Visa loan, and also rid you of the $5,000 cost each year (21%) in interest on that loan, and I also offered ideas to pressure your clients to increase your monthly income.  One client acquiesced immediately and also offered you an additional project to increase your income, and the other one said he could not do that so I encouraged you to decrease his hours as a different method of increased compensation

A: Yes, you did indeed do all that for me. And I was, and am, continually grateful, continuing to apply and learn new lessons. You have repeated the above list to me almost verbatim multiple times. Clearly I'm failing to meet your expectations otherwise you would not continually be doing so. 

M: responded: One of the many other reasons I did this is that I realized that you lack trust in people because of how YOU have been hurt when you trusted others in the past.  Well, I decided to trust you and SHOW YOU that I am not like the others.  But all I ever got in return was what the others deserved, not what I might have deserved in normal circumstances.

M: continued:
I might have made a mistake regarding not tackling TM first, but I saw a fast and easy opportunity to "quickly fix" a major portion of the financial problem, and put off the more important TM problem until later.  I must admit now if I knew you'd be so stubborn about TM, I probably would not have gotten involved with this at all.

Feb 8 10:44am

22

M  After all of that help, I had hoped (even though I did not ask and never even intended to ask until the entire financial and time management project was completed) that you would offer ME SOMETHING

A: The most classic recipe for disappointment is unarticulated expectations. As you say somewhere further down in this missive: I cannot read your mind. As for "entire financial and time management project", that's something you are naming retroactively--at least to me. I never agreed to enter into any 'time management' project or coaching with you, and had you included it as some sort of condition or requirement or even verbalized expectation, I would have told you that I did not agree to it.  

M: Another thought regarding the above but did not fight A: perception at THAT TIME. The TM was discussed and discarded by AB but that was an important part of the entire plan.  Nonetheless, AB did get the major benefits of the non-TM portion, in which, by her own calculations, she benefited to the tune of almost another us$25,000 (us$24,813) a year.  So, even without the TM, the "entire ... project" (no matter what it is called - another example of Andy's nit-picking - what to "call it" - ignores what PROJECT I was talking about that DID benefit her, as our agreement called for.

M: We seem to be in agreement on this.   There are some differences, but we should be able to iron these out easily.  However,  it will require COMMUNICATION that both parties understand, not just either speaker (or writer).

M: Instead you emphasized that you did not want to see yourself involved in a "paid caretaker" position, nor did you want it to be a loan that you could not pay, nor a gift either.  I asked if you knew or any other thing we could call this agreement and you agreed "no, nothing else".  But because of your optimistic personality, I did not let the "non-description" of this agreement bother me either.  My mistake was that you apparently and naively decided that you would be a "paid non-caretaker" with no responsibilities of any consequence in the foreseeable future.

A; Paid non-caretaker? What on earth are you trying to say. Neither of us expected me to start nursing you or  'taking care' of you at this stage; we have often  spoken clearly of how this aspect of things will come into play in the future, at a time when your health may have deteriorated to such a point that you actually need such a thing. And I have repeatedly told you that when the time comes for such involvement from me, that becomes an 'urgent priority.' Just as if my father were to become critically ill, I would make it my priority to go and see him. You have not only my  word--my 'promise'--but my actual signature on that. So just what is it that I have failed to do? I have certainly shown an ongoing care and consideration for your health--as one example, taking more interest in your meds than you do yourself, trying on more than one occasion (even before your first leg cramp) to get you to realise the diaretic had side effects which you could to some degree mitigate--cramps being one of them. So just what have I failed to do? What do you mean by saying I think I'm a paid non-caretaker?    

M: thought later (in mid-2012)  WHAT TO CALL THINGS was an ongoing problem with Andy but DOING THINGS apparently WAS AN EVEN LARGER PROBLEM when I later found out that ANDY decided NOT TO DO THINGS AT ALL.

M: This is quite important, so let us definitely discuss this on Friday.  (NOTE- when Friday came, she would not discuss).


M: After all of that, I even suggested that we must be careful NOT to let this arrangement change our friendship which, at that time, was near perfect (in my opinion). 

A: Agree. Agreed with that point, and agree with the observation that our friendship was lovely--a source of pleasure.

M: All of the above was easy for me to do because I thought "I was your friend".   You seemed to agree and said that the friendship was more important than anything else.  I don't mean to say that you intentionally tricked me with the "paid non-caretaker" definition but that is how it actually feels.  Your difficulty with the terminology was NOT what I thought the difficulty was.   I am also sorry that I accepted the fact that you did not "see" anything that you could add to the written agreement (why should you find anything else if I thought you were "not tricking me") but it now occurs to me that if you were truly and fairly doing due diligence on the Agreement "for me" (as I did for you), you certainly could have suggested something) but you suggested NOTHING (until now).

Did you think that "no name for it" meant that it was something undefined.   If you did not want the money, you should have insisted.  I would have thought that was pretty dumb, but at least there would have been NO obligations.  Thank you is very little for the value of all of the above ($50,000???)  What did you think the value was?

MPW thought in mid-2012 Does the above paragraph BEGIN AB's "defense" against her doing anything to complete our agreement.  Is this the beginning of her defense that this was a NON-interest bearing LOAN and nothing else.  How does she explain the parts where she was to provide some services that she walked away from as soon as the first things came up (like her and the MPWCF's participation with both the Annual meeting in Feb 2012 an the previously overlooked obligations for both the Grantee's 10/31/11 deadline and the Jan 15 deadline and the Jan 31 deadline, none of which were worked on by AB.


And the result, in my opinion, of what eventually happened is that our friendship has suffered even AFTER your constant "words only" that our friendship is more important than anything else we agreed to.   Wow, if that were only so.

A:Agree again.

M: We seem to be in agreement on this.
M:
Many years ago, and again as recently as 9/16/2011, I sent you my definition of a "friend".   I still have not received, nor have I been told, your definition. 

A: I don't have it defined. If I have disappointed you by not providing it, then that is another unarticulated expectation on your part--not something I have 'failed' to do.

M: Your problem with this seems to be with the word "failed".  This is not a class grade.  I could have just as easily said "You did not" and meant the same thing.  All I ever (now for the third time) asked was since you call me "your friend", what do you mean by that (ARTICULATED!!!!)?   Am I a Facebook friend?   Am I someone who you remember passing on the street?  I gave you (and others) my definition so that you could COUNT ON ME.   I have no idea of what being your friend really means to you.   I don't call many people "my friend" because it means so much to me.  I have thousands of acquaintances and maybe (depending upon degree, and I make that known to all) only anywhere from 4 to 10 friends.
M: My definition includes, among so many other things, TRUST and EQUALITY.  For a person who considers herself articulate and a good writer, I am surprised that you have never defined this yourself.  

AL responded with a non-statement statement, very much like ignoring the problem that I have with this lack of understanding.  This was a major root of my problem with her, very like any problem she had with me.  I suspect she thought this an invasion of her privacy.)

M: I understand and respect (or at least I did at the time I wrote that – now I think it is just one more Andy obfuscation or ostrich move)  that.  But are you aware how important this is to me AND how many times I encountered and went along with "your rules" on so many other less important (to me) things?  This is quite important, so let us definitely discuss this on Friday.

For reasons 

I don't understant

this webpage has a huge

gap between the above

lines and the below

lines.

I tried, obviously

in vain,

to get rid of this huge

gap 

but

was unable

to do that.  The next letter follows now,  just below this 

8 10:44am

45

Well, at least We seem to   I said: “ you seem very testy at this point and I'm not sure how we can discuss this rationally on Friday if either of us has a contentious attitude.  Please re-read my opening paragraph.”

Feb 8 10:44am

48

M: What is bothering me and why do I wish us to resolve this with real face to face discussions? Mostly it is because that both the trust and the equality is so drastically out of balance (note the preceding underlined words were ALL in a much larger font and in bold RED). You seem to have gotten the best of every thing.  I even voluntarily gave up my "fun time" with you to spend time teaching you more and more about spreadsheets, estates, and the Foundation.  

I thought: Andy did not recognize that this was part of the professional services I provided showing my client HOW to do things that they had to do later (i.e, working with the spreadsheets to increase her financial success, and understanding my estate and the Foundation so that she could learn what was necessary to do HER PART of our agreement.  She thought she was doing this "for me", not for herself

A: Hang on a minute. How about this perspective: I even gave up my "fun time" with you to spend time learning more about spreadsheets, estates, and the Foundation. Moo, do you think I was doing all that stuff for me? If so then you don't know me at all. Not at all. At first you were gearing me to be able to handle the executor position--that was the reason you stated to me for teaching me about finances and spreadsheets and estates. 

Now, in 2013, I can say "No, the learning about finances and spreadsheets was 100% about solving YOUR financial problems.  The learning about estates STOPPED way back as soon as we both figured out that you would NOT take over as executor.  And learning about the Foundation was so that you could take over as president.  That was YOUR part of the agreement and my training you was my extra help since you knew nothing about running any organization.

Then we switched focus to the Foundation. Let me be very clear: my reasons for 'wanting' to be involved with that are the furthest thing from selfish. My motivation there, as I did tell you repeatedly, is b/c I see you frustrated in your efforts to give such needed help to such needful organisations; I want you to have the satisfaction of seeing all those years of working on this come to fruition, I want you to have the peace of knowing you have indeed left a legacy... and I want  to see those organisations benefit. As I have also told you repeatedly,  I believe much of the frustration on BOTH ends (yours and grantees) comes from lack of clarity in wording and communication. And to that end, we have been plugging away at key pages on the Foundation site, working together to find some of the contradictions and confusions, working to make it so that the  hold-their-hands templates truly are set up do their job as the primary guides. I have thought we've made good progress--and even said so last meeting, and you replied something surly to the effect of 'if you say so." So those 3 1/2 (or more) hours of definitvely UNfun time we've been spending every week... what have those been for? For MY pleasure? For MY benefit?? Nothing to do with me honouring my commitment to learn about the Foundation and prepare to ease into the role of facilitation?  

I question Why does AB overlook entirely the facts that I spent months teaching her FIRST about how to get control of her own out of control finances and only after we got a good HOLD on that, did the time now come up to teaching her about MPWCF needs.  And this was NOT for my benefit because she was to USE these newly learned things to work on her Agreement obligations

OK, in much later 2012 and early 2013, I took up this challenge once agaid but THIS TIME vowed to no let it overwhelm me with STRESS at reading what I went through and NEED to refute what Andy THINKS as to what I said.  So, from now on, I will ONLY COLOR the VERY MAJOR POINTS thusly.  But, I suggest that the reader read everything in order to get a complete view of our interactions from beginning (Sep 2011) to the end (March 2012).  After March, I started to "chase" Andy even though she continued to this day to run away from either her obligations of return of what she took from me and the people of SMA.

M: This is quite important, so let us definitely discuss this on Friday.  But,   I edited my preceding point (see the TRUST and EQUALITY highlighting) to highlight what I state is the problem and that is NOT what you responded to.  What you did say is a perspective response and I can see YOUR perspective as being different than mine (AND the same as mine depending upon WHICH of the many statements you made above) BUT that is NOT what the comment was about.  It was chiefly about TRUST and EQUALITY.  Don't side step THAT question.  Everything else is less important than that.

Feb 8 10:44am

65

M   I think that you are playing with words.  Like you, I try to choose my words carefully and read what is written to me equally carefully.  But, you seem to be playing with the above words.  I don't disagree with the overall comment but to me you are fighting the wrong battle.  This is not about the above examples (or anyone's perspective of it.  This is about TRUST and EQUALITY, repeated over and over.  You seem to be upset when I say the same thing over and over but I do this because it is important to me AND you do not do more than (at best) say NO without any discussion or details or anything remotely like a compromise.  This is what I meant (above in today's response) about the many rules that you set out.  And as it also comes under the heading of equality, this is quite important, so let us definitely discuss this on Friday.

Feb 8 10:44am

70

M: Nice touch, but  this still sidesteps the issue (which I hesitate to repeat as that always gets you upset).  My problem with the above "mostly once a week, mostly from 1pm to either 4 or sometime later" is that our conversations are almost never focused (that is OUR fault, not yours) and I almost always end up feeling at the end of our time together like things that we brought up are still far from finished.  You may feel the same way or differently.  I don't know, because that is part of the TRUST (and maybe also EQUALITY) problem.   I tell you things (its called sharing) and you keep so much to yourself.   This is quite important, so let us definitely discuss this on Friday.

Feb 8 10:44am

75

M: That probably is true but, like you, I may hear some things differently from what the speaker meant (and that is the fault of both parties to the speaking).  There are some differences, but we should be able to iron these out easily.   However,  it will require COMMUNICATION that both parties understand, not just the speaker.

M; This just might be a matter of credibility.  I am losing confidence in you and your words.

There are many more RED NOTES in the above noted Feb 7 note, but I stopped entering them here.

M: I read the below two paragraphs (which you started with "well, fuck you") and my take on them is that I am sure that neither of us is the completely innocent party and neither of us is totally at fault.  I will accept that I am as much as even 75% of the cause of all of this, but I find it difficult to accept that you will not accept any part of the blame.  I again re-read the following and you sound like a perfect person.   Could that really be?  

Mpw thought: 75% is a huge overestimation of MY FAULT.    For years, and I told AB about this, I used the 75% in examples of how people who have disagreements should take 75% of the blame so that BOTH parties are sharing the MIDDLE 50% with just 25% on each side, attributable to the other.  It is just a compromise PLOY intended to get the other person involved in accepting SOME responsibility.  Andy was the first person I EVER met who considered herself 100% right on ALMOST EVERYTHING.  NOW READ ANDY's RESPONSE to even 25% wrong below.

A: Well fuck you. I am furious now. Hurt and frustrated. You are impossible to please. You really are. Do you have ANY idea what an unpleasant nasty shit you have been recently?  Do you know that I now go to our meetings with a stomach ache, wondering what version of bitter-grumpy I'm going to encounter? Or what mood shift will suddenly overtake you? I walk on eggshells around your moods. I have  tried to be compassionate about it, tried to  not let it soak through my skin. You seem to not  notice any of  the things I've been doing to honour either our agreement or our friendship. I have done/read every single thing you have asked  me to do as prep for the Foundation. I have tried to weather your horrid moods and stay upbeat when    we meet and when we work together. I have shown continued, sincere interest in your health from all angles.

I THINK NOW.  AB is either a  fool or a paranoid where everyone else is wrong and everything they do is wrong.  Could it be that SHE really believes all that she says.  I've read and re-read all that we've written to each other and NO OF THAT APPEARS.  And if she has imagined that I (or we) have acted like that in person, she should be reminded that we generallly spent some time at her friend's restaurant in the company of people who certainly were sitting at the next table or closer and none of that happened. and the times we spent (at least prior to the aborted Feb 8th meeting) NEVER had any such animosity or, and Andy and I both know, that she would have walked out on that, then.  Andy is developing a nightmare world where only she is present and there is no one else available to witness it.

A:  Trust? You are not the only one who has had their trust damaged. I can peg it clearly to the day when you greeted me horridly  at lunch with the words "I should just drop the whole thing; I don't know why I bother. You haven't learned a thing." You were outright mean and harshly critical. One of those elusive, undefinable things about friendships is how much damage can be done in an unexpected moment of unkindness from someone we've trusted enough to be vulnerable with. Sometimes the scratch is light; things heal and the bond grows stronger after that. And sometimes that doesn't happen. For whatever reason, sometimes it leaves a wariness, an involuntary self-preservation instinct to not be vulnerable to such hurt again. Had I stopped to ponder it at the time I would have predicted we'd heal and move on. But then, I had no way of predicting the series of sour-moods I'd encounter in the weeks after that.   

M: My comment above covers the above two paragraphs but I must add that some things you say here DEFINITELY are beyond perspective, they are just untrue (and that includes things you say about both of us).  This is quite important, so let us definitely discuss this on Friday.  You may recall that I started this email with a wish that this will cause us to heal and I still hold that hope.  But COMMUNICATION is the key and rational, as unemotional as possible, is necessary, from BOTH of us.   I know that you've cried some time during the original reading and writing  and I feel like a heel for being the cause.  But I hope you remember that you DO overreact to criticism or even occassionally to non-criticism that you take the unintended (by the speaker or writer) way.   NOTHING I wrote was life-threatening or even any other threatening way.  I just wanted you to know how I feel about some things, mostly the Trust and Equality problems.

M:  Well, "too much already" is true for me, too.  But, I mean what I say about my promises and I accept as true your statement about promises so let's just move on to Friday and approach it with a belief that BOTH of us want it to work out well.
M: The only BIG THING that we MUST talk about is what I mean about TRUST and EQUALITY.  I have not seen any response on that, not just in this email, but in the many months since last August when this process first started.   I am not sure that you can even accept that I am (or maybe anyone is) on your side.  I heard and remember how badly you were hurt recently, but I have never done anything that was intended to hurt you and never done anything that was not intended to help you.  And I don't even think (if you consider it) you will recognize anything I've ever done (including things you mention in THIS email) that wasn't done with your best interests in mind.  Even the suggestions that you either did not accept or rejected immediately, you will have to agree that none of them differed from the above intent.   Oh, by the way, I KNOW I never said "I should just drop the whole thing; I don't know why I bother. You haven't learned a thing."   I am sure you heard (what you thought was my intent) but you've many times agreed that you overreact to what you perceive as either criticism or what you perceive as your own (which really don't exist to any extent) inadequacies.  I may have said something to the effect of "drop the whole thing" but I am sure that it was milder than you perceived and I KNOW that the rest of it was manufactured in your own mind as I never even conceived of that as a possibility. 

Feb 8 10:44am

90

M: Once again, I am encouraged (now after reading your responses) that you are still willing to meet on Friday.  I would have been heart-broken (strange choice of words as this is still, too me, a friendship as well as a business or non-business relationship -- although the latter term still needs refining) had you just STOPPED everything.  
M: I  decided to at least LOOK at what I wrote below and that you did not yet respond to JUST IN CASE I see something too important to overlookRight now, my biggest concern is TRUST (why you don't seem to trust me) and EQUALITY (which I think we must discuss because I don't see myself as on an equal plane with you and that is where your definition of FRIEND should be known to me).

M:  (this was a sentence that started with This just might be a matter of credibility.  I am losing confidence in you and your words.

and you seem to never realize that anything you promise can take time (not even to consider that "things" many times take more time than you even originally plan for them) and when that time comes up, you have (or will have) alternative needs for that time. It may be that you have internal wishes that sound much like promises.  The Visa credit card problem may be just another result of this behavior.  You (like most people) used to buy things and wished to have the money to pay for them in the future.  But when the future eventually comes to be the present, not enough money exists to pay (or time to perform for non-monetary things) and so the wish/promise could be forgotten.
M: Perhaps you don't even recognize the impact all of this has on me.  In return for your promises of things you say you will do in the future, I've signed over my life's work and the future of my Foundation (not to overlook my healthcare concerns) to someone who is building up a history of promises not kept.   And the trust I have in you is consequently slowly eroding .

M: THIS IS IMPORTANT.  Not because you may or may not agree with it but because I am not your equal if you don't take the time to understand what I just said. This is quite important, so let us definitely discuss this on Friday.
M:
And I hope that you (even if you are too upset to respond or comment) re-read the rest of this (original email) as it puts some of my above comments in context that is important to the whole.
M: And one last thing, I repeated below my best wishes for Thursday and my hopes for Friday.
M: Signing off, not here, but below.
M:
I am very aware that I could be very wrong about some of these things.  I feel you don't trust  me with information about you and your life.  And I feel that there is nothing approaching equality between us (there is no "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" in our relationship).  I feel that I share much more about me and my thoughts while you are much more secretive and untrusting.  I am not your enemy; I am on your side.  Why do you keep so much hidden from me?   You once said that you feared that I would find out about your financial failures but when I finally had them revealed to me, I supported you and attempted (very successfully as it turned out) to begin to heal them.  Why do you think I would not do the same thing about anything that you have done (or are doing) in your life?   And why have you even stopped updating me on things that you revealed in the past (like the status of your recent or current medical problems)?
M:
My fear (or belief) of your being too secretive just naturally leads me to think of why I believe you are so secretive and I harken back to your fear of my knowing about your financial foolishness.  Please recall that that was a misplaced fear on your part.  But I still remember your fear and I now think of WHY were you afraid and my mind migrates to your more current aversion to time management.  I think (and of course I could be wrong about this, too) that you believe that either you (or I, or both of us) will discover (if you already do not know) that T.M.'s initial analysis will lead us to the knowledge of how much time you might be wasting.  How your constant interest in (for instance) Wikipedia and researching definitions and in Facebook and other pleasant pastimes are possibly wasted time (whose definition of wasted time concerns you most?).  And, as a result of this misplaced belief, you can not gain the thousands of good (your definition, once you lose your fear) results from just an early introduction to TM. But, that's mind-reading and I try not to do that. Do you also try to avoid reading my mind (as opposed to asking me -- I've never avoided answering any question you asked --- can you say the same thing to me -- of course you can't because you know I asked many unanswered questions of you)?
M: Continuing on the subject of "mindreading", I am aware that I can't read your mind (and therefore ordinarily don't attempt to do so). I rely on what you say or write and seldom look for clues or body language which I might misunderstand. I hope that you accord me the same favor as direct communication is often hard enough without too much guessing to cloud it up, too.
M” Under any set of circumstances, after 14 years now, you must have already known that I keep my promises and virtually nothing I say in this letter will deter the transfer of the presidency (and running) of the MPWCF from me to you. And you will have my friendship forever, but that is mostly because of the way I feel about promises and trust and friendship and my commitments to each of them. What I am still concerned about is YOU and your part in all of this and each of the many promises that you've made and how you may or may not in the future show trust and keep promises and act responsibly. And, most importantly, I am still very interested in how you define "friend".
M” Well, that is some of what is concerning me. I hope that this merely opens the door to communication, as it it both intended and should, and not close the door to a good open and honest friendship.   I am quite saddened by the realization of all of the above, but I know that with a little effort, we can work this out.
M: Please, this CAN BE salvaged.
M: Hope you perform well in the Matilda event Thursday and I will see you Friday, lunch, 1pm, Rama.
M: With continuing great caring and respect,
Michael

Feb 8 1:45pm

 

Subject:  Short – PLEASE read TODAY (now!)  (except for the 2//8/2012 11:22am email near the bottom, all written by MPW

OK not to read the previous (long) email until Friday but I just wanted you to know there is NOTHING in it worth losing sleep over. And we will work out all problems either way.
And I wanted to wish you well, once again, in the Thursday show.   Contrary to "show biz lore", DON'T BREAK A LEG.
Michael

On 2/8/2012 11:22 AM Andy Blair sent me the below email; if I didn't respond above, MY RESPONSES ARE INTERJECTED BELOW:
I have received your email. I will not open it, or any other missive from you, until Friday morning. I cannot afford the emotional upset or lack of sleep. Tomorrow will require all my focus and strength.

Feb 10 9:51am

 

Subject: today (Friday) !)  (except for the 2/10/2012 8:50am email near the bottom, the top was all written by MPW

I  do understand and Sunday at 3pm (although I would prefer it to be earlier because I, too, have physical and emotional stresses playing upon me and I break down the later it becomes, so 2pm is better than 3pm, and 1 is better than 2, etc.)  
There is one thing I don't understand.   Why do you always anticipate problems in handling "the emotional intensity of what's involved".   Everyone feels some emotional stress and intensity before any meeting that is caused by "fear of the unknown".   But I also know that, in our case, if BOTH of us remain calm, there will always turn out to be no significant problem.  I can't understand what you are afraid of?   Please tell me as clearly as possible as I've never physically hurt you and if occasionally we get into heated discussions (which it seems - based upon what you've written to me when it is much later than when each thing happens - you appear to get much more upset in retrospect), I always attempt to reduce the heat as soon as I am aware of it.  In addition, I've never yelled at you, I've never threatened you, I've never disrespected you, and the only thing I can think of that might be bothering you is that there are times that you are not getting your way because we disagree on things.  I can promise you that nothing is going to change in things I've already promised you and of course, nothing can change on things I've already done.   So what is the problem and what is YOUR solution?
Until Sunday at whatever early time you can make it.   Please tell me the earliest you can make it as soon as you can.
With love and respect and attempted kindnesses,
Michael

On 2/10/2012 08:50 AM Andy Blair sent me the below email;
Yesterday was a 15-hr day, with nonstop physical exertion. (Due to multiple screwups by the organisers we had too meet at the venue at 9am & completely reconceive the show; we created & rehearsed an entirely new 3-hour show all day & then performed it at night. The stress & adrenaline were off the charts. We pulled it off & the audience loved it--but I can barely move this morning; I am beyond exhausted, mentally & physically. I am cancelling everything today; I need to. Most of all I need to not meet w you today. I don't have the resources to handle the emotional intensity of what's involved. If we have a chance at salvaging things, it cannot be w me in this depleted state. Please understand. I could meet you this Sunday at 3 or wait til next Friday at the usual time. -A

Feb 11 10:28am

 

Subject: today  FYI  (except for the 2/11/2012 9:58am email near the bottom, the top was all written by MPW

Thank you for telling me.  I truly appreciate this note (and its raison d'etre as well as its wishes).  I hope you are feeling better.
Stay warm AND DRY.
Michael

On 2/11/2012 09:58 AM Andy Blair sent me the below email;
M-Fyi (bc it impacts several relevant things between us) my computer is at the Apple service centre in Queretaro. Also, I cancelled the bank card which never materialised & the entire fiasco /process has been started from scratch in Toronto.
Stay warm. A

Feb 13 4:06pm

 

Subject Organization Chart ---- attachment mpw-org-chart.jpg

I was looking for something else when I found the attached organization chart for what my life was like because of what I was doing in 2005 or so.  It has not been updated since then, except for some minor editing of the MPWCF column for changes since 2005.   Since you will eventually be taking over the MPWCF responsibilities (see the left most column), I thought you'd get something valuable out of seeing just what it entails.
Left off of the chart (although implied in the "Study previous grantees for current status" and the "Decide new grant  amounts" is the review of grantee annual input that I am struggling with right now (albeit two weeks behind for problems that you're aware of, like Stephanie Hough, etc.). 
By now I hope you've read the BCCs I sent to you that were originally for Peggy and Chris (and because of Peggy's unexpected heart problems, now just Chris).
See you Friday.
Michael  

once again HERE is a smaller "gap" that I can't get rid of.  Sorry.

Feb 16 9:59am

 

Subject: RAIN

It is raining. It has been raining. It looks like it will never stop raining.
End of the three tenses.   I'm still very tense.   
This is just rambling free thinking (although I'm certain very little is completely free).
It is very depressing.   It is depressing to everyone.   I am depressed.  Depression is a very lonely thing.   What to do about it?

M: thought later and did not write the following: Wow, I hope that Andy KNEW that the above AND the below was just my normal playfulness.  It certainly reads differently IF THAT remains unknown

Well, suicide is not for me.  And revenge is a waste of time (think of the middle east and after over 1,500 years of revenge by both sides, nothing much has changed).  Analysis? (been there, done that).  Management? (no, this is one of the things that can't be solved this way).   Negotiation?  (no, requires too many other things for it to work).   Conciliation!!! OK, that's probably all that's left to do.    Now hopeful !!!!!!!!!
Focus!!!    What is it that I want?    Well, the most important things are these:  

M: thought later:  Now I am getting serious again.  Read the following as serious statements:

Respect - I respect you and your experiences and accomplishments and knowledge but my sense is that more and more you don't seem to respect me for mine.   In one example of this, whenever you have any question, I encourage you to ask and I try hard to answer it until you feel you understand the answer.   I would like the same from you.  I occasionally ask questions and very often those questions remain unanswered.   I can only think "Do you not completely understand the question, or do you not wish to answer the question".  I honestly have not figured that out.    That is true, also, for many emails that I've sent to you that you chose to ignore (I don't know if you even received them, or even read them, or whatever came of them and/or anything I might have written within any of them).  Questions from either person are things that that person feels are important to know and really should be fully answered (or at least acknowledged and/or responded to).   You won't even answer the question of what "friend" means to you.   Or more specifically, what I may mean to you.
Friendship - this includes respect as well as other things.  And I've many times explained what little I expect and can get from the many people I define as only acquaintances, both here in town and elsewhere in the world.   What I find more difficult to find is the Trust and Equality that a friend (in my definition) accords me.  So, what I need most is the trust in me and equality between us that seems absent from our relationship.  I feel that you don't offer equality insofar as, among so many other examples, I seem to have to meet a list of rules that don't equally apply to you.  I would be happy to discuss this and anything else in an amicable setting.  

What is it that you want?  I hope you know that all of my efforts have been directed to making your present and your future a world in which more and more things can work out to your liking.  And, I'm sure that I failed (in my opinion) some times and failed (in your opinion) even more times.   But, part of the blame for that must rest on you.  You are exceedingly difficult to mind-read and you are so reluctant to either initially tell me or, after the fact, explain.

If part of the problem is insecurity, please remember that everyone on this planet has insecurities.  Anyone who hides them, can only hide them so long and nothing is accomplished by this hiding anyway.  Again, this is only my opinion, and I'd love to discuss it further with you. However, I find that you seem so fragile that you overreact to many things that you take as criticism, and which were never intended to be criticism and even if so, at most were a minor comment.   Again, remember that everyone on this planet has sensitivities but overreaction is not a useful quality in dealing with them.  I feel like I'm walking on eggshells so many times when I wish to tell you something that I feel is important.

However, I truly intend all of the above to initiate a calm and rational discussion, in itself intended to bring us back to what was (an extraordinarily delightful and rewarding experience), something that I hope was just temporarily lost and that can be regained in the very near future.

And I hope the rain stops very soon.   Oh, and I once again want you to know that I appreciated the short note that you sent updating me on your computer repair and bank card status.

With love and respect and attempted kindnesses,

Michael

Feb 16 10:26am

 

These  were my “carryforward” notes (started in October) of things that I hoped Andy would find time to “get involved in”

The following is an open-ended AGENDA and will be edited over and over again with finished items removed and new items added as necessary.      

now too late for Andy to review due Oct31 and due Jan 15 stuff and then write YOUR NOTES for an email to grantees re: DUE 1/31 stuff (and "start now")
critique her critique of the Grantee's "due Jan 31" input - teach what should have been found and what is a problem and what might be overlooked
Walk her thru the "readying for annual mtg" (including how to create a financial statement), how to conduct the reviews of the 3 inputs, how to write the letters of comments thereon (with special care to prior problems and current efforts), etc.
most important NOW that you begin to recognize HOW you can check for transparency and/or continuity (define either now & see how WE are not thinking alike)   
walk her through the authority trail.  The Trust authorizes (and restricts) the Foundation which is run by rules and process described on the Website
teach her what the CEO position requires.   Wisdom, tolerance, judgement, balancing so many constituencies, trusting promises balanced against specific goals and what happens when any party breaks promises, sensitivity (both directions), tests that allow trust to "build up on both sides", look at Trustee's page for specifics.
questions after reading (in the Trust doc that I sent) Schedule C in its entirety, and Sch B, Clause #1 (and the following sub-clauses)again.
questions after reading about the Trust and its power over the MPWCF in its restrictions.  talk about each restriction (why's and wherefore's) and what each does) and how they lead into the MPWCF's actual operations and requirements.
questions after going to the web-site and read certain pages that are more important to YOUR JOB than others - MOSTLY the "(C)" pages and then maybe some other pages (but ALL pages have something to be known, on them).
look at most current emails (re: status) to all of the grantees (see sample "comments" letters for past "due 1/15 and 1/31 inputs").  See the inputs themselves and what you should be looking for.
look at all of the other of sub-documents and how they support the foregoing and aid you in your job. 

Also, not to be put off too much longer
.. where are things that you might need access to in this house (my cash money, keys, papers, other files, etc.)
.. your interests in my healthcare needs in the event of an incapacitation and/or disability as well as the effects on my employees,the management of the MPWCF and its grantees, and the website and estate concerns.  What are your plans under various possible scenarios?

Also, new ideas:
..introduction to our grantees (including letter telling them of your (either by name or not) addition and what you will be doing (for them, for us, etc.)) and with and for our other two trustees (taking part or just observing the annual meeting including all of the pre-meeting work necessary for getting ready for the meeting)
..also time management (this is critical for ANY person who has financial and/or time problems) - analyze (estimated) time allowed for each average day of the week - did you keep the time records (just an estimate of the 24 hours at end of every day) - where are your options - which priorities (if only temporary OR PERMANENT) can be changed up or down - what are the time wasters that you would like to consider changing?
.. discuss what are the qualities that one should have on his/her resume that are necessary for a CEO position with the responsibilities for the future of the MPWCF.  I found Andy to have youth and trustworthiness (as that was what is hard to find here) but what about all of the OTHER characteristics that I do find plentiful in others, and lacking (through inexperience) in Andy.

Feb 17

Notes

After writing all of the above emails to Andy and constantly trying to promote a rational, conciliatory, and useful meeting, Andy arrived with such a look of “I want to kill you” that I even remarked upon it.  Her response was chilling to me.   During the meeting, I tried (obviously not to her satisfaction) to promote our “moving on” after discussing our problems.  All I got in return were accusations and not any mention of hearing my concerns, as I suggested for the preceding months in the above emails.  Nothing about Trust or Equality or anything other than Andy’s concerns and hurts and accusations.  And then she stormed out with the same hate that she walked in with.  I don’t think anything was going to change any of that not matter what I could have offered.

This email was not conciliatory     This is the 1st sign I got of Andy wanting to murder me

Feb 17 2:38pm

 

Subject: I wish you continued to talk about …

I promised you that I would stay all night, if necessary, to continue our discussion or, if you wished, to put parts of it off until another time.  I know you were upset but I at least got to understand some of what bothered you as well as what bothered me and that is progress.   (But see the note above – I was still hopeful of reconciliation and did not tell her has distressed I was).

At any time that you wish, I remain available to discuss whatever you wish to discuss (or learn, or understand, or anything else you choose).  Soon or even later remains a choice that offered for your decision on how to proceed.

But even more pressing than that is that the Foundation annual meeting is next Wednesday and I still need for you to come here by 9:45 or earlier to talk about something that I don't want to speak about in front of Cris.   As I said previously, it is something that I know you will like (everything else we discussed today being either considered or not considered, in either event).  (And this, too, Andy ignored and did not show up for the most important time-factor obligation she contracted for.)

Feb 22

 

The annual meeting of the MPWCFoundation – after twice announcing her “introduction” in the agenda to our meeting, I was so embarrassed by Andy’s un-professional absence that the meeting’s thrust turned to the future and our meeting terminated with a probable termination and dissolution of the MPWCF, something Andy professed to not want, just another Andy moment

Feb 23 1:47

 

Thank you for the return of the keys to my house and office.   I accept that return of the keys resolves my confusion on whether or not you intend to go forward on our contractual agreement.  Please be kind enough to tell me both when and how you will return the benefits you already received as a result of that agreement.  I await your response.  Michael

Mar 4 10:07am

 

Dear Ms. Blair, The Board of Trustees (this was an MPWCF email to Andy) wishes to formally announce that your recent non-performances on the written agreement signed by you and Michael Wein which described already past due as well as future duties obligating you to this Foundation are no longer expected of you. 
We also wish to remind you that you failed to respond to his February 23, 2012 email to you which asks that you tell him (and us) how and when you plan to return the monetary benefits you already received which were given to you in anticipation of your fulfilling your obligations under that agreement.   Since you have not performed as expected and since we will have to start all over again to make other more reliable arrangements, we await your response.  We can not allow our work benefiting the women and children of San Miguel to be delayed any longer.   Failure to respond can only lead to legal actions and resultant court-mandated communications, something neither you nor we would desire.
And we must remind you that your delaying will NOT make your part in repayment disappear. We also remind you that the expected return of pre-paid benefits continues to increase daily and will cost you more and more due to any further delays.
With continued respect for your previously announced need for privacy, we were carefully brief in our description of the problem you precipitated for our Foundation as disclosed in our corporate minutes which you may see at http://www.mpwinsma.com/minutes.htm .   As a Texas corporation, required by Texas law to follow our own requirements for transparency, this was the least we could do to avoid breaking Texas laws at this time. The future descriptions of this problem remain to be determined, mostly by your actions and/or non-actions.
For the Board of Trustees of the MPWCFoundation,
P. Bell, C. Peeters, M. Wein, Trustees

4 Mar 17:25

From Andy

I did not think you capable of more deeply hurtful behaviour than what you'd thrown at me thus far. I am still reeling from you words and behaviours. And now this.

I wrote to you when I got home after our last disastrous meeting. I thought better of sending it. But it makes no difference; there is no rational discussion possible with you. You see it your way. That you have been so cruel and insulting and controlling and distorting clearly does not even register with you. You made it clear in your email and in our meeting that you don't see that I had had been consistently doing everything you asked of me, giving you time and dedication and effort--and so I am at a loss. You twisted issues of friendship and privacy into somehow being indications of my lack of trustworthiness and honour in a business context. That you can insult my integrity in such a way--because you feel insecure about me not reciprocating your urge to tell many personal life-details--is... disgusting. And, I repeat: it shows me that there's no hope of clear communication between us. We have different compasses.  

NOTE FROM MPW: Althou I see almost everything she said above quite differently, the BOLD HIGHLIGHTING that I did above is the most blatant misunderstanding between us.   She never even understood or allowed me to explain what I meant by TRUST and EQUALITY.  Neither had to do with “personal life details” (actually she already told me more than I wanted or needed to know).  What I wanted was a sense  of her TRUSTING me (since she seemed to trust no one) and to treat me equally so that “rules that she created” apply equally to both of us, not just me.   Andy goes on with her email below:

Here's what I (who is andy in the below case) continued and wrote:

--- That you can take such an egocentric view of a situation in which you tried to impose something on me, sulking every time I refused it, and twist it into being something you see as lack of respect or equality on my part... is so delusional as to make me realise we cannot see eye to eye. I have never known anyone who is so literally a control freak.

MPW note: Possible except YOURSELF, Andy    You have rules for everything and woe is it to the person who breaks any of them.  During the time when I was making your life financially better, you complaine d that I would not respect you and thanked me profusely for what I did for you.  Now I was trying to "impose something on" you?  

Andy continues:

That you can be as horridly rude and sour and completely indulgent to your own moods as you have been, and then deny your excessively harsh actions & words afterwards, makes me realise that there is no truly honest communication possible with you--only pretty strategies & manipulations that waver between patronising and (perhaps unconsciously) distorting. I don't think you intend to be harmful-- but I no longer believe your intentions are straightforward kindness, either. I am seeing you in a very different light. Most of all, I think you don't see yourself, your own words/behaviour, in an even remotely realistic light. You release your venom and then you feel calm and soothed, and make a show of being the poor guy trying to keep things rational and communicative while I'm left to process the remaining toxicity (which you then deny; that shocks me more deeply than I can express). You are right about one thing: after today, I

 don't trust you at all. I suppose my instincts 10 yrs ago were more accurate than I had realized.  

OMG is this really Andy's belief that her perceptions are accurate.  And after all of the things she (occasionally) said about how she overreacts?????

Andy continues with:

You cannot itemise, itinerize, & control everything around you. Least of all the humans. I doubt I'm the first to ever say that to you.  

I think:  And yet you realize that you contradict yourself repeatedly.  Or where they LIES intended to just "set me up"?

 MPW note:  Well as least we agree on the fact that we see things differently.  I accept part of the blame, and always have, but I don’t accept 100% of the blame and that seems to be what Andy wants.  She has never admitted anything was caused by something she did.   Nor (in retrospect) has she even come close to repaying me for all she received)

For reasons 

I don't understant

this webpage has a huge

gap between the above

lines and the below

lines.

I tried, obviously

in vain,

to get rid of this huge

gap 

but

was unable

to do that.  The next letter follows now  

Mar 6 9:/29am

 

Thank you for responding to the MPWCF's email to you.  I am especially happy to be able to communicate with you.  Communications between us are required by our agreement and are the only existing non-judicial way we can resolve the problems that still remain from the now terminated agreement.   And emails were one of the methods listed for such required communications.

In the spirit of defusing some of the many problems between us, I want to apologize for any damage, slights, anguish, hurts, pain, or other nasty feelings you sensed or otherwise believed you have gotten from me during the course of our agreement.   Please believe me when I say that from the beginning right through the time of our last in-person meeting, I had nothing but your best interests in mind and the fact that you believe otherwise is hugely painful to me, too. 

I have not been able to work for the most part or even live my normal life (including sleeping well) during the months of February and even part of January.  Maybe now, I can hope for some sort of comeback to at least my personal life.

Although I am positive that we both have been hurt too much to ever renew any semblance of any friendship, I still wish you well and hope that we can resolve our problems with a minimum of hurtfulness and a maximum of goodwill.

As a consequence of the termination of our agreement, I have set about eliminating some problems from my life and also made some changes intended to simplify my life where possible.  Most important to you, perhaps, the Trustees of the MPWCF were informed at the annual meeting that I do not intend to continue the Foundation in the way it was planned in the past.  Since I do keep promises that are in my power to keep, I promised them that I will continue my Estate Plan just as it was and still is and continue the same bequests to the same beneficiaries as previously planned. But, the MPWCF, when it receives the planned-for money, will be operating under a different plan for the endowment's usage and the Foundation's Board of Trustees will not need to have a replacement for me as you were supposed to be.  My Executor will serve as such for two or 3 years instead.  I can not bear going through anything like the time consuming legal changes required when you agreed to serve as my replacement. And since my confidence in finding someone I trusted as much as I trusted you has been shaken, I don't want to have to look for such a replacement for you.  The monies will be distributed (not over the Foundation's perpetual life, like originally planned, but) based upon a new plan that will distribute the funds within 2 to 3 years of my death and in a manner much different than originally planned.   This will partially resolve the continuity and transparency problems that have yet to be accomplished by grantees  The USA beneficiaries (which now will include additional USA
organizations that will do most of the same work that the SMA organizations would have done - like feeding children, educating children, and making KIVA-type loans to women, etc.) will get more than originally planned and the SMA portion of the funding will be less (although some SMA organizations may actually benefit more than previously due to receiving an earlier lump-sum distribution).

Later note - after re-reading Andy's out of control (not unusual for her) recemt email(s) to me, I am NOW surprised that my (the above) email to her is so lacking in the venom and other attacks she unfairly (and inaccurately) accused me of doing to her.    Oh, well, that's just Andy being Andy and nothing has changed in that vein.


More below in response to your email to me.
On 3/5/2012 08:22 AM Andy Blair sent me the below email
You said:If you give me the account number and clabe number, as well as the way your name is registered on the account,

I replied: I don't know where you got this idea, but I don't have an account of any sort with Banamex. 
Andy said: I will commence monthly transfers of $2500.00 MN to your Banamex account. They will occur in the last week of each month.

I replied:I will try to understand this not as being an insult to my intelligence but wonder whether you even bothered to think this through.   Surely you know that at current conversion rates, $2500MN amounts to less than $200USD a month.   Not only will I probably be dead long before $200USD pays off the principal of $25,000, but even during that long time you will STILL continue to be saving the $437 (20.99% of the now paid $25,000 Visa loan) every month during the time you are paying me $200USD.   It actually pays for you to continue this indefinitely as you are keeping the $25,000 AND making a net of $237USD each month.  And that, of course, demeans me more than you allow yourself to understand as that also ignores any of the parts I played in changing your pre-Michael financial situation which was in negative unbalance (by $12,428USD each year) and changed by my ideas that you implemented to a more positive status of $7,137USD each year (that, in itself, was worth $19,565 to you each year).   Some "deal" you offer me now.  Remember that the $25,000USD was not a loan; it was a payment advanced to you for obligations and responsibilities you, all by yourself, chose to ignore and opt out of doing.  What you are trying to do is to convert it into a loan and even then, underpay for the benefits you received.

Why would I even come close to considering this as you trying to do the right and fair thing when you now earn a projected $64,706USD a year and you offer only $200USD a month to repay me.   And you have the audacity to ignore or discount any and all things that I have done for you as part of the agreement as being worthless.   Even today, you are so far ahead in benefits received from our agreement and not yet willing to take any responsibility for anything that you might have done to harm us personally or professionally or even limited to the scope of the agreement.   What kind of person are you?

Now, for the first time, I AM angry.
   I strongly suggest that  you do something FAIR for a change.  You've  got some nerve to have  blamed everything on me up to this point and now attempt to move on without taking any share of any of the blame yourself by offering me $200USD a month to make us "even".   Again, what kind of person are you?

I am so amazed that you act as if there should be no consequences for you.    All I ever wanted since you terminated our agreement was to get back to the status prior to that point, as much as possible.  Maybe the only way for you (and of course, me too) to get an impartial view of this situation and how it is to be resolved is to make it a judicial matter.  Please know that it is currently not my intention to do that, but I will do it if you make it necessary to do so.

I am very sorry that it may come to this,


Michael Wein

Included in the Mar 9  4:43pm email shown below

BBVA Bancomer (not Banamex); my mistake. I repeat: if you send me the account number and clabe, and your name as used on the account, I will deposit $2500 MN each month. This is what I can afford. My income is not what you knew it to be. After several months of grueling trial I declined to sign on longterm for the design job, as even with increasing familiarity the workload was increasing, not lessening, and the dual deadline was too much for one person. In addition, I have just recently learned that my second smaller editing job is in peril due to financial troubles on the client's end. I'm in a dip on the roller coaster. I am offering you what I can afford. FYI I canceled the credit card to which the initial money was applied. I am not, as you state, treating it as a loan; I am adhering to the longterm nature it always had.

    MPW: The above statements just MAY BE too self-serving   For a person who had a us$67,000 income (so much more than I live on each year, so much more than anyone I know earns here, and according to Andy no taxes are paid on that income, it is first strange that Andy could not live on her income before and NOW WHEN IT SUITS HER NEED, coincidentally, she says that it has conveniently diminished.   Notice also that no quantification is supplied as well as re-offering the same $200 a week offered and refused before.  I still ask the same question, what did she plan to do if stupid I  had not come along to help her (see prior emails - I don’t want to recite the same details over and over again)   Well, now at long last, not only DO I NOT TRUST HER, I think if is quite probable that she is capable of lying AND she probably IS LYING.


A: Your question of what sort of person I am is a continuation of
your ongoing deeply hurtful take on my character--which you had already made abundantly clear in your email (MPW insertion - that would be the Feb 8 2012 email) to me before our last meeting. As I've said, it doesn't bear a response; your distorted take on me, my actions, and recent events, makes attempt of any sort of reasonable exchange futile.
   MPW: Once again, she says it is all MY FAULT and takes NO BLAME at all for the parts she played.  I’ve been kind but now I feel I can finally assert that I believe that her overreactions, oversensitivity and not hearing or seeing things that are not what she wants to hear or see (the ostrich effect that brought on her financial and time problems in the first place – well before I ever turned up to help.)

A: Your assertion that I 'chose' to withdraw from our agreed upon work together is another example of the above. You say that for all the world as if you had not precipitated our disintegration by your own repeatedly unkind words and unreasonable insistences and unfounded suspicions.

   MPW- first of all, I disagree that I was saying the nasty things you say I said, second you discount all of the equally nasty things you said to me, third and maybe most important, people who make agreements do not always end up “getting along” but that does not give them permission to unilaterally abrogate their agreement.  And that is not to EVEN INCLUDE not making restitution at the time.  Lastly, I attempted both before and after our “bad meeting” to attempt a reconciliation and you make NO SUCH ATTEMPT yourself.

A: Believe it or not, I wish you well, Michael. I also wish to hell we had never ventured into anything beyond the joy of a renewed friendship that had all the promise of a longterm playful and respectful union. I don't for one second imagine that your judgmental and controlling nature, and your tendency to impose your bad moods, would not have surfaced just the same to create tension in that context--but I can't help thinking that with less weighty issues entangling the relations, it would have been possible to work out understandings and take space when needed... and maintain the pleasure of the friendship. As it is now, I certainly agree with you when you say that there is no hope of reparation at this point.

 Andy

   MPW: I have to give up.  Anyone reading ONLY what you have to say just might think that I was 100% to blame for everything and you were 100%perfect in both your before, during, and after any problems.  Even assuming that as a ridiculously impossible proposal, you still  are bound by the agreement you alone broke and now must return the benefits you have (taken, or relieved me of, or since at this point there is no other word for it) stolen from me and the people that I was trying to help, indigent women and children of San Miguel.

Mar 9  4:43pm

0

M: Imagine what things would be like today had we NOT re-connected last August (just as you suggest in the last paragraph of your email - copied below – for this later tabulation it is now ABOVE).  No anguish or pain from our miscommunications.  I ask you also what would your financial life be like today?  How would you have paid off the Visa us$25,000 liability?  How would you have continued to pay a constantly increasing us$437 monthly compounded interest on it?   And when, if ever, would you have discontinued many of your previous financial methods that led you to that (or now, this) point?   You would still owe ALL of that to someone, even if not me.   How would you have paid them?  How would you have dealt with professional collection agencies banging down your door?  

Well, YOUR answer to all of that is exactly HOW you NOW must arrange to immediately repay me for your broken promises.  Our agreement stipulated that you were to be advanced the money against future obligations, many of which you not only have already not fulfilled but you have overtly made specific actions that terminated that agreement ignoring all of your future obligations.  The fact that you were mad at me is meaningless, the obligations remained.  The fact that you were hurt by your own interpretation of my words also ignores the fact that I was equally hurt by my own interpretation of your words.  Now, even the obligations can not be accomplished (we both agree on that) but you can not unilaterally convert this into a "long term loan" especially since (as illustrated in my last email to you) that would make this into a loan that can't be repaid in my lifetime AND each month that that loan remained unpaid, you would have an ever increasing "net positive benefit" insofar as your saved interest (us$437 a month) exceeds your entire "offered" payment (us$200, or $2,500NM) to me.   Nice deal for you but extraordinarily unfair to me.  I suggest you look up the definition of "fair".

Ignoring this problem month after month is not going to make it go away.  I have already instructed my attorney and my Executor to pursue this if I die sooner than expected and they will be tougher to deal with than I am now.  And I will be even tougher still if I have to go to the next collection stepI previously tried to resolve this earlier by emails and finally got you to face me in a direct meeting.  You entered that Feb 17th meeting (as I commented to you at that time) looking like you wanted to kill me, certainly not there to reconcile our differences.  And then, you rebuffed my suggestions at every point in that meeting and walked out on me even while I continued to ask you to stay. You then ignored my subsequent emails trying to reconcile us again and then finally we got to this point today.  Andy, you are throwing away your best chances of resolving this easily and less painfully for you.   It will only get worse as time goes on.  You've succeeded in converting what I attempted to do for you initially (see the agreement itself, an exceptionally good deed, in anybody's rational thinking) into a serious and hurtful problem for yourself (the latter by ignoring all benefits to, and obligations of, you as of the moment the agreement was terminated.   I had helped you in so many ways and you did not appreciate it even then, and certainly do not appreciate it today).   And what aggravates me more than that is that you constantly blame me for everything that has gone wrong between us, ignoring any possibility for even any slight amount of blame caused by you and your own way of thinking (once again, see the words I highlighted in RED BOLD in your email).  Even the Feb 8th email in which I pleaded for discussions about things that bothered me, the things that I knew could be certainly be resolved IF we talked about them (things like trust, secrecy, equality, etc.) were perceived by you as hurtful accusations and not as a request for discussions leading to understanding (they were never demands for changes).  You may now recall that there were meetings on Feb 3 and Feb 10 that were cancelled (and in both cases your reasons for cancellation - bad plumbing and gravity performance exhaustion -  caused you to have to recover from traumas that I had nothing to do with).  But during that 3 week period, you received emails and other concerns that filled up the lack of face to face communication between our Jan 27 and Feb 17 meetings with things to think about.  It is interesting to me that our problems often came up after you were left without time for face to face communications but had left you time to think and possibly dwell, or even obsess, over perceptions that you've had.  Even you had previously admitted to me that you tend to overreact many times.   Had we had the chance to calmly and rationally discuss this in honest open sharing communications, we could have dealt with this much better.

Nonetheless, we are now in the present situation and what we are talking about now is definitely not a loan.  I can think of several ways for you to obtain the money to repay me but since you seem to like to turn everything I say into a vicious personal attack on you, I would be foolish of me to tell you how.  You are smart enough, I think, to figure it out yourself.  But the financial hardship is yours and you can't transfer it to someone else.   If you can't resolve this now, It would appear to be more and more an out-and-out theft from this point on.

Please stop  procrastinating.   This is a serious problem and it is yours to solve.  Suggest a fair solution.  Even you must know that a us$200 monthly payment is not even nearly close to fair. quite the opposite in fact.

Michael Wein

I later thought  why do you ignore other truamas in your life (stomach, plumbing, gravity work, etc. and blame all of your troubles on me when it was or should have been obvious that I was trying to help you

obsessing about problems and changing the facts due to ONLY your thoughts

Mar 11

 

Subject: Bancomer

Andy, any independent and objective person would know that the offer you tried to make below would not be considered anything remotely like a reasonable offer in good faith.   As a matter of fact, your refusal to read and respond to my very important questions posed in the first two paragraphs of my (Mar 9 2012) below email which you responded to below by ignoring those questions, must be answered by you or you definitely, beyond any shadow of doubt, are not even replying in any way in good faith.

You would be well-advised to read (or re-read) those first two paragraphs below and to think about and then respond to my questions.  With me or without me in your life, your financial life would today be in the same place, although obviously worse without my help.   And even admitting that to yourself would be a healthy first step.

 MPW Note (inserted for purposes of legal discussions): The above is still true, but MPW has suffered a lot of damages and his life is far worse for this experience.  I have lost trust in people, my ability and resulting intentions to help people via my Foundation have diminished, my health has deteriorated,  my “life” has diminished, and all of that excludes the obvious financial losses that Andy gained. 


If I never was ever in your life at all, you would have at least the same financial problems (and probably much worse) as I talk about below in my email to you.  And your response to pay me an amount that not only does not pay back the us$25,000 that you stole from me (yes, I now consider it stealing because I have repeatedly given you so many chances to fix what you broke), but you offer the equivalent of us$200 a month while, at the same time, you will continue saving us$437 a month from only one of the many benefits that I also gave or did for you.  Your current proposal could not ever repay me during my lifetime and even your attempt to convert an advance payment for future services into a loan, does not make that advance payment into a loan in the first place.  Repay this advance NOW.   We've both agreed that it is too late to perform the services we previously agreed upon.

Andy, you are responsible for anything that happens next.  You have gone from merely breaking  our signed contractual agreement  which paid you in advance for services that you have subsequently refused to perform, to hiding your head in the sand, hoping it all goes away.  I continue every day to be more and more damaged by your inactions.  You are also damaging the lives of the women and children that were supposed to be helped by you when you completed even the earliest-due of your obligations under our agreement.  People and organizations make agreements that, even if they later become angry with each other, STILL require both of the parties to perform their obligations. You are breaking the "rule of law" that is the backbone of behavior in Mexico, Canada, and the USA, and certainly most other countries.   Hiding from the facts will not protect you.

Sadly, I am positive that some day soon you will look back on each of the many various plateaus that we reached in the past and would wish that you could go back to any of them. What we are trending towards now is only going to result in bigger problems than you now have.

You must get the money to completely fix this from other sources.  These sources could be any of the following (or other sources that you might think of): a new credit card, a loan from someone else, your parents after you inform them of what you are involved in now (because they are going to find out soon enough anyway), or the sale of your house.  I have been hurt financially, physically, emotionally, psychologically, and even spiritually, by your very  unique way of thinking about things.   And I have been very patient but I am losing that patience more and more every additional day that we delay.

I ask you to think very carefully before you hope that merely your words will solve this.  We are way passed that point now.   Only your responsible actions remain to help you.  

Michael Wein

Mar 20 9:57am

This was an email from the mpwcf board of trustees

Dear Ms. Blair,

The next thing that will happen in this process is that I about to agree to report your theft to the local police, to the district attorney, and my attorney will also start proceedings designed to bring justice to this Foundation, a Charitable Foundation that you wronged and which wrong will cause deprivation to deserving local women and children.

It is such a shame that it came to this, but whereas at one time in the not too distant past, merely a civil discussion would have helped heal bad feelings that stem from sensitivities that were badly bruised, you commenced behaving in bad faith in each successive communication and we have thereafter progressed steadily to a much more serious stage that now will require completely impartial arbiters to judge fault and recompense for damages.

Even recently when I asked you what you would have done had I never been in contact with you in the first place, you chose to ignore the fact that without my active help (for which you promised in a signed legal agreement to fulfill obligations that were relatively easy and comfortable for you to accomplish), you would be in even a worse financial situation than you are in today. You repeatedly take (and took) the easy way out, burying your head in the sand like an ostrich and avoiding your situation. Not only that, but you have never even admitted to having played any part at all in your arriving at your current situation, not in the financial part, nor in the interpersonal relationship part.

Well, all of that was your choice. Now, the law will take over. I would expect that you will be summoned to answer for my complaints and however it plays out, I suspect that even your parents will become aware of the part that you played in all of this.

In the past, I have been very lenient and have often bent over backwards to meet your needs and since you never acknowledged any of that, you forced me to take stronger and stronger stands, merely to get your attention. Now you have forced me into a corner where the only choice I have left is using the law to enforce my rights.

The agreement that we both read and signed and agreed to back in December 2011 had the following (summarized here) obligations for you and for me: I was to (and I did) give you financial advice and pay you us$25,000 in advance to enable you to pay off your $25,000 Visa debt that was costing you 20.99% annual interest each month. In turn, you were obligated to do a series of things that benefited me in my future oxygen-depleted health situation and also were to benefit the Foundation, almost all of which were to occur in the future. Somewhere between the payment of the us$25,000 to you in December and our last civil in-person-meeting in early February, you decided to cease fulfilling any and all obligations under the agreement completely due to (as you told me) the fact that you were so hurt by things that I wrote to you about you. While I deny that these things I wrote were intended to be hurtful or even inappropriate, you will discover for yourself that even if the statements were as harsh as you say they were, such statements are not sufficient cause to terminate a legal agreement, especially one paid for in advance, without (at the very minimum) complete restitution of all benefits received.

And so we are here today. I have written you previously, more than once, informing you that you can not just drop the matter without consequences for you. What I am about to do will have serious consequences and ignoring them will continue to create even more serious consequences. I will give you another seven days to respond, but this time, if the response is not a FAIR and reasonable response, I will just go ahead with my complaint. I remind you that your offer to pay back the us$25,000 (by pretending as if it was a loan -- it was not a loan nor was it ever intended to be a loan) plus all of the other benefits you received (previously detailed in my emails to you) by paying me $2,500 MN a month (which is equivalent to us$200 a month) was not even sufficient to pay off the us$25,000 in less than 125 months (that is about 10 1/2 years - I am unlikely to live that long), much less use up some of the $437 a month that the us$25,000 payment of the Visa liability by me currently saves you every month in interest. Even you must see that your saving $437 a month and at the same time paying out $200 a month makes it very worthwhile for you to extend this obligation FOREVER at no cost to you. How can you, with a straight face, even suggest such a (as you call it) "fair solution". Have you no sense of real fairness or ethical behavior.

Oh, by the way, my Executor is now aware of this obligation and should I die before the legal process completes itself, the Executor is instructed to pursue this claim to completion with a zeal exceeding mine as he is in much better health than I am.

I have been very patient but time has run out on you. I have long thought your misplaced anger at me was due to your overreactions at things you thought you perceived even though they were things I never said. But since I have tried to be very clear in these emails, perhaps you can understand the anger I am now feeling at your continuing to ignore all of the many benefits you have received from our association. No more!!! Once the legal process starts, there will be no turning back.

Michael Wein, President
The Michael Paul Wein Charitable Foundation, Inc.  

Additional note (not sent to Andy): although I just now began to think of how to pursue the legal end of this, each idea I had was met with Mexican obstacles that made it difficult to move ahead (including non-Mexican problems, like my health problems and speaking problems)

 22 mar 16:53

 

Andy wrote me (obviously having READ one or more, many or all of the previous emails from me)

Michael,  

I am writing this upon my return from the Agencia del Ministerio Público de Mediación y Conciliación, where I sat with my lawyer waiting for you to turn up so we could proceed with our scheduled hearing. You have been sent two official notifications, hand-delivered by the Ministerio Público, for two separate such appointments--and you did not bother to appear for either.

 Note inserted here from MPW: I did not receive either notification and upon calling the Ministerio 152-7337 (CONCILIACIÎ Y ARBITRAJE) and spoke to someone named Yadira who told me that they never had one (much less two) notices sent to me at my address

 As I have previously stated: it is abundantly clear to me that there can be no productive direct communication between us. The distorted and manipulative manner in which you represent events continues to escalate, as does your menacing tone. In light of this, I am informing you that this is the last email you will receive from me. I am also informing you that I will not read any further emails from you. From now on, you may send any communication to my lawyer, whose contact information follows:

 Lic. Juan Antonio Loyola Muñoz

Estrella #18 2da Sección

CP 37765

SMA

Cel 415 153 5179

Tel/Fax 415 152 7630 / 415 152 6588

licantonio@corporativoloyola.com

 You may give the particulars of your Bancomer account to his office so I can commence payments of $2,500.00 MN per month, as I have repeatedly offered.

 Note inserted here from MPW: and I not only refused the offer as ridiculous, but I explained why (nothing from you has even acknowledged that other than to accuse me as you have above of distorted and manipulative etc etc etc.

 Andy

Cc: Lic. Antonio Loyola

I later thought: Exaggeration:  MENACING TONE - All I did, after months of getting NO RESPONSE to her own abdication of obligations, was to spell out what options she had left for me.  Hardly menacing!!!!   another exaggeration of the truth or changed facts

For reasons 

I don't understant

this webpage has a huge

gap between the above

lines and the below

lines.

I tried, obviously

in vain,

to get rid of this huge

gap 

but

was unable

to do that.  The next letter follows now  

 

Mar 23 4:09pm

 

responding to Andy’s above email, I sent the following to licantonio@corporativoloyola.com subject: contact from Andy Blair

Dear Sir:

I am replying to the below email from Andy Blair wherein she asks me to not write to her any longer and to write to you instead.    Some things in her email that I make the following comments:

1 - she said that two official notifications have been hand-delivered to me, neither of which I ever received.  I ask you were they delivered to Michael Wein, Suspiros 14, Col. Centro, San Miguel?   That is my only address.   And if so, did anyone sign for them as received?  I ask this because there are only two people who are ever here (besides me) and they are only here between 9:45am and 2:15pm on only Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays and they tell me they have received no such notices.  And I don't answer the door myself as I am attached to a oxygen tank 21 hours of every 24 hour day and the trip from the location in the house where I receive that oxygen and the front door is too much for me to handle any time the buzzer buzzes and I don't expect anyone to be at the door.   
1a - After I wrote the above to you, I called 152-7337 (CONCILIACIÎ Y ARBITRAJE) and spoke to someone named Yadira who told me that they never had one (much less two) notices sent to me at my address.   What is going on here?  I either need an email address for me to write to her (or them) to get a better explanation or an explanation from you of who delivered what and where and who signed for it as having been received.
1b - all future meetings must be scheduled and agreed to directly between you and me as I don't want you or Andy to waste your time any more than I want to waste my time.  For any future meeting that we schedule and agree to ourselves, I can assure you I will be there and on time if you assure me of ;the same.
2 - I agree that there can not be any productive communication between Andy and myself.  I disagree that the fault lies solely with me.  However, since we both agree that a face to face communication is not productive, I have to ask what would have been the purpose of the meeting that Andy said I did not attend?  What would have been its format?  Will that be the format of any future meeting?   Was I to be accused of something or was I to be given opportunities to later bring my own attorney and/or my own evidence (after seeing what I was accused of) or was I supposed to be prepared to offer evidence at that meeting?  I can't appear without any preparation.
3 - Although it is very difficult to get from my house to anywhere except Centro, I do get out of my house for things (the 3 hour break from my 21-hour oxygen therapy is) during the middle of each day (almost always some time between 11:30 and as late as 2:30) if it is ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to do any part of this by email.  But, my doctor wishes to remind me (and you) that each such trip takes away from the time I need to eat and is otherwise life-threatening.  So, I must state that any such trip is a very damaging event for me.
4 - I am more than happy to communicate with you.  However, because of my oxygen problem, I can communicate best by email (including sending you copies of any documents I have).  
5 - I must ask for information regarding your involvement here.  Do you represent Andy only?   Is the Agencia del Ministerio Pblico de Mediaci? Conciliaci?ntended for unbiased and neutral mediation and conciliation?   Was a representative of the Agencia supposed to attend our meeting?     What are their findings based upon?   Who makes the final decisions and when do they do that?    Are their decisions binding upon both parties?   What do they (or anyone) do to ensure compliance with the eventual findings?   Are the findings appealable?  I need full and complete and honest answers to all of my questions asked above and below before I start answering your questions.  In addition, I need the email address (and an authoritative person's name) that I should contact at the Mediation and Conciliacion organization to ensure that I get their instructions, too. 
6 - I just noticed that Miss Blair has once again made an offer that had been previously refused for a number of reasons.   I can not accept her offer as even being serious.

I look forward to resolving this problem which has gone on too long.   But my questions have relevance and need to be answered.

Michael Wein
 

I added some later notes:

1 - Andy's attorney never responded to the above email

2 - and even AFTER the mid-summer meeting with Ministerio Publico that her lawyer attended and said he never received that email, I said (and did) send him another copy together with other things we discussed and once again he never responded.  This is like communicating with a blank wall that has been equiped with a recording device and it saves all of my input, possibly to use against me without giving me the fairness of a reply so I can find out what Andy is thinking or doing.

 

 

And for those of you who have a genuine, rather than just inquisitive, interest, Michael has told us that under certain reasonable circumstances, he will provide you with the ENTIRE "Andy Blair mailbox" from his Eudora email software.   He will send you the (mailbox) .mbx and (table of contents) .toc files for this but only if you yourself download the free Eudora email client (version 7.1 setup) from Eudora's website at http://www.eudora.com/download/.   Once you install it and set the options for your own  use, ask for his .toc and .mbx files and Michael wiil probably send them to you.  You MUST state your own good reason for asking as well as stating your real name and email address.  Then, all you have to do is copy the .toc file and the .mbx file to your own Eudora mailbox folder and you can read every email in its entirety.

We, the individuals who are involved in TPOTRFOMPW, have gathered all of the information that appears on the various (and linked pages below it) webpages from conversations and other varied communications with Michael.  As a matter of fact, he was adamantly against our publishing any or all of it.  But we were too anguished by his constant reluctance to take actions quickly against this woman as well as his continuing protection of her in spite of what she did to him.  We met often and argued often and finally overruled him and after publishing all of these pages, he finally agreed to at least read and comment on them and offer some major corrections and suggest many deletions, some of which we accepted.   As these thoughts and words now approximately, and to the best of our ability, reflect his own words, they remain worded "in the first person".  He also got us to eliminate certain things like the details and amounts on the budgets and the cashflow spreadsheets and we finally agreed that the "tops" of these documents were all we would publish at this time.  We feel strongly that he has been "taken" by a greedy and malicious and immature woman who professed to be completely trustworthy to gain his confidence and trust and then she turned around exhibiting nothing of what she was before he helped her out of her very serious financial mess.   Her true colors are now showing.  We even provide evidence, something she ignored in making her own wild accusations unsubstantiated by her own words in the many emails we examined.

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“Underpromise and Overdeliver”

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